The Dreaded "L" Word

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I'm not talking about lesbian...the other L word. Ya know, the one that seems to be a point of contention with so many people. I luh, luh, luhhhhh...why is it so hard to let that word roll off your tongue to certain people? I mean we tell our family and friends that we love each other without a second thought. So why is that so many of us have SUCH a hard time saying the L word? I mean, it's just a word, right?

There may be an argument that says that men have a harder time saying than women. But for me, I feel like I have just as hard of a time as any man allowing myself to say the word. Wait, let me clarify. It's not so much that I have a hard time saying the word as it is that I have a difficult time allowing someone to know that my feelings are that strong...which equates to me being vulnerable. That's really the bottom line. It's not that I don't want them to know that I love them, it's that I don't want them to hurt me. So if I don't say it, maybe it won't hurt as much...especially if they don't love me back. Sounds good in theory, but even as I type it, I know it will hurt just as much whether they know I love them or not.

I guess it's obvious from some of my past blogs (and conversations if you speak to me in person) that love is not something that I take for granted. I LOVE the IDEA of love. And I certainly have so many people that I feel blessed to love and be loved by. I am gushing with love and I am a firm believer in telling people that I love them because I never know if it might be the last opportunity that I have to tell them. I don't mean to be morbid, but it's a simple fact that we sometimes take for granted. I've lost enough people in my life to realize the importance of letting people know how I feel when I'm feeling it. So why then, is a girl who is bursting at the seams with love, having such a hard time telling the one person that she loves in "that special way" (for lack of a better term) that I love him. Well, to be honest...I'm not having a hard time at all.

In the past, the L word was played like a game of chicken in previous relationships. It was ok to say I like you or I care about you or maybe I miss you. But there was something so daunting about saying luh, luh, luuuhhhh. Why? Well, aside from the previously mentioned reason of being afraid of becoming vulnerable or getting hurt...it was also because there's something scary about being the first one to say it. What if they don't say it back? What if they really don't love you back? The what if's go on and on. But if you really love someone, the L word is inevitable...and all those what if's go out the window.

Love has definitely been on my mind more than usual as of late...and maybe even more than EVER since I met the person I'm currently dating. Within the first days of us talking and getting to know one another, he uttered those three words. I. Love. You. He said it without hesitation and unapologetically. When he first said it, I laughed it off. He said it again a few more times and I told him to stop. Who could love someone so soon after getting to know them? Not me...and I let him know that.

But why? Is it because it's against some set of unspoken rules or because love couldn't possibly be real in that amount of time? Was it really fair of me to respond the way I did when I, of all people, know how hard it is to tell someone you love them? I don't know. What I do know is that shortly after laughing it off and telling him to stop...I said it back. It wasn't because I felt obligated to say it. It was because it's how I felt (feel). In getting to know him more and more, I fell in love with the person he is and everything he stands for. And if he was just a friend, I would've said it a million times before I actually ended up saying it. And now that I've said it back, it flows from my lips (and through my texts) with the same confidence and unapologetic nature as when he first said it. And I mean it...with all of my heart and with everything I know to be true. I realize now that even if things don't ultimately work out with him, it doesn't change how I feel right now.

And since my latest surge of moving forward and letting go of fears has overtaken me, I feel a certain obligation to share this sense of urgency with others. If you love someone, regardless of your relationship...friend, family, girl/ boyfriend, husband, or wife...whether you've known them for 50 years or 5 days...don't forget to tell them you love them. Even though I know I said it's just a word, it's one of the most important words you'll ever say.