Just Add Water!

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So I guess I'm back to talking about love...or lack there of. Working as much I have been has led to a pretty much non-existent love life. I'm certainly not complaining about the amount of work I have lately, but it's definitely highlighted some other aspects of my life that are not quite as bountiful.

Because of the nature of my work, I meet new people almost daily. I'm a huge advocate of the benefits of networking and I'm generally a people-person anyway so I love this aspect of what I do. Amongst the people that I work with, every once in a while I meet a guy that show some level of interest.

I recently was on a set and was giving my number to a friend of mine. The guy who was walking with us made this his opportunity to also take my number...despite the fact it was not intended for him. I couldn't take my number back from him once he got it so I hoped he would just forgot he had gotten it.

I got home from the set that day and got a text. It was him. His first text was harmless so I responded. I try not to be rude...a trait of mine, which usually backfires more than not. Me trying not to be rude led to several more texts. At one point, he started sending me inappropriate and unwarranted texts ranging from wanting to be in a relationship with me to...well. I'll let you use your imagination. I finally wrote back to him and told him to give it a rest.

Despite the fact that I have so little time to meet, date, and start a relationship, I'd never rush into something just to have a boyfriend...especially a creepy one. My past experiences and level of standards make finding someone that much harder, but I know it'll happen when and if it's meant to happen. Until then, I'll try my best to avoid guys eavesdropping conversations to get my number. And just a note to people who think that having someone's phone number is an invitation to prompt a conversation about being in a relationship with them...it's not. There's no such thing as an instant girlfriend...I'm not mashed potatoes.

When Keepin' Up Real Goes Wrong

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A friend of mine works security at a few very well-known clubs in NYC. He meets any number of celebrities at these spots. So he called me yesterday to boast that his club would be hosting Kim Kardashian. His phone call was prompted because I had called him earlier in the week when I was freaking out about doing the Kanye West & Jay-Z video for Monster. I guess he thought that would be one up on me. I told him that if Kim Kardashian made amazing music that I loved that I might be jealous, but since she really doesn't DO anything, that I was still the "winner." I hung up the phone with him, shaking my head. It left me feeling a certain way even though I truly am unimpressed by any of the Kardashian girls. Their father is really the only Kardashian who DID anything worth mentioning.

It made me wonder what kind of hope is there for a regular girl like me when there are girls like Kim Kardiashian out there. She's got good looks and the money to keep them going. Where does that leave me? And then I got my answer. The same friend called me again today. He didn't even mention her while we were talking, but I couldn't resist asking how it all went. He said it was horrible. He said that she looked so fake...she doesn't have a single line on her face and that she looks disgusting. And there it was...despite the fact that women think that men want a perfect woman, what they really want is a REAL woman. Accordingly, that leaves me in a pretty good place in the world and gives me hope about people in general. Ironically the reality starlet lacks realness. I love the irony.

Lost & Found

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Tonight I lost the bracelet I got from the fundraiser for my friend's father who passed away this summer. I've worn it everyday since I got it- it's the only jewelry I have ever consistently worn. I'm not sure at what point I lost it, but I realized it when I asked the PA on set about a similar bracelet he was wearing. I pulled up my sleeve to reveal mine...only to realize it was one. My heart sank as I looked down at my bare wrist. I had no idea where/ when it had managed to slide off my wrist, but I had a feeling it might have been when I did my wardrobe change for the 2nd scene of the day.

I must've worn the look of heartbreak all over my face because my cast mates immediately asked me what was wrong. I explained to them what happened and somehow got to talking about the last year of my life leading up to the death of my friend's father. They listened intently as I talked about the turbulence of the last year and the strength of my friend.

When we wrapped for the day, one of the women I had made friends with on set suggested that I return to our original holding location to look for the bracelet. I was exhausted and it was a bit of a hike to go back, but I really wanted to find the bracelet. Being so tired, I wasn't paying attention and managed to walk about 5 blocks out of the way back to holding. Undeterred, I made my way back and searched for the bracelet. I look high and low...under the tables, in the bathrooms...everywhere. It was gone.

The PA was coming in as I was leaving. I told him that I couldn't find it and he expressed his regrets about my loss. I looked at him and said, "It's ok. It's just a thing." And for the first time since I can remember, I meant it. I know we say that all the time, but how many of us really mean it? We place such emphasis on things. But it was this very loss of a thing that I got to share something much deeper...the inspiration of overcoming obstacles and the amazing strength of people (as exemplified by my friend this year). And the bracelet that reminds me of such an amazing man who served us so bravely reminded me how important the people in my life are...not the things. In the loss of my bracelet, I found the importance of refocusing my energy on sharing my positive experiences and making the most of everyday.

I'm Starting My Diet...tomorrow...next week...after the holidays

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Eating machine. That's what my father calls me. He says I take after my mother in that regard. Gotta love the wonders of DNA. As I write this blog, I'm actually baking corn muffins...go figure.

As I've embarked on my career within the entertainment industry, my eating habits have become...well...awful. Since working on sets generally requires extraordinarily early mornings and long hours, I'm generally at the mercy of craft services. And for some reason, I always end up eating like 3 times more when I'm on a set than I would if I was home. Maybe because it's free? I'm not entirely sure of my logic.

I do my best to maintain my workout regimen, which is usually 5 days a week. There are certain weeks that my schedule just doesn't allow me to go to the gym as much...unless I skip sleeping. But for the most part, I'm able to fit at least an hour or two at the gym into my day regardless of how long I work. I try to imagine what I would look like if I wasn't working out to counteract my tremendous appetite. However, it'd be nice to actually look like I work out as much as I do. In order to accomplish this, I think I'm going to finally start my diet...again...tomorrow...maybe.

Single by Choice...or just lack of choices

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29...and single. Some days, this is the greatest feeling in the world. I don't feel like I squandered my "good" years being bogged down in a relationship (disclaimer: no judgment on others who found love during this time in their life- lucky you!). Other days...particularly lately...I'm feeling a little of the pressure that comes along with being almost 30 and being nowhere near a stable relationship or a family. On any given day, I usually feel like my "singledom" is a matter of choice. After all, I won't lie...I do have options when it comes to people wanting to date me. I feel a little odd coming clean about that, but I'm sure you know by now, I'm not one to bite my tongue when it comes to being honest about my life. 

The problem is not that there aren't people interested in me...the real problem is that the feeling just isn't reciprocal. I wish that I was interested, but it's just not there. Don't get me wrong, so many people have PARTS of the kind of person I'm looking for, but seem to lack the full package kind of details. And I know what you're thinking...you're too picky- no wonder you're still single. Well, tell me this...what PARTS am I supposed to be willing to compromise on? I mean really. Some things are super obvious and just too major to overlook. And some things are just against my own personal set of standards. For instance, it's not that I mind that a guy has children or has been married...but for me, I want to be someone's first. I want to be the first (and only) mother of their child(ren)...I want to be the first woman he watch walk down the aisle towards him, ya know? Is that asking so much? Well, the closer to 30 I get, it seems like it just might be. 

Another point of contention (don't judge me) are the car-less. In NYC, I get that having a car is an inconvenience depending on where you live. But a guy not having a car makes me feel like a chauffeur. And maybe picking a guy up wouldn't make me feel like SUCH a chauffeur if maybe they threw me a 5 spot for gas or something. Sure, I'm a woman of the millennium, but there's a recession going on. C'mon! And what happened to chivalry? 

Ok, I think I'm done now. I just felt like I needed to clarify WHY I'm single...since that seems to be the first question when I tell someone that I am...like there's something wrong with being single. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single...when it's by choice....and even when it's not. But recently someone told me that I was single by choice and it made me realize it's less of a choice lately than just lack of the kind of choices I'm looking for. 

Smoking or Non?

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I quit smoking 4 months and 15 days ago...but who's counting? As a smoker, I always felt like an outcast, excusing myself to slip out and puff down a cigarette. On any given day, I could usually be found with lotion, gum, body spray, mints, etc. I was constantly trying to hide the fact that I was a smoker. Maybe hide is too strong of a word...I was at least trying to counteract some of the gross effects of smoking...quitting obviously would've been much more effective in this regard.

Now that I'm not a smoker, I feel like I'm on the other side of the spectrum...especially in New York City. Every corner I turn seems to be filled with groups of people living my former life, standing outside smoking cigarettes. Now that I don't smoke, it feels like everyone else does. Since I'm still relatively new in the world of non-smoking, I have moments when I don't mind standing in the midst of smokers...living vicariously through their second-hand smoke. But generally, I really dislike being anywhere in the vicinity of smokers, which is unfortunate since there's no real way to avoid it in the city. Luckily for me, NYC is making it harder and harder to smoke almost anywhere. Remember the days when you'd walk into a restaurant and the hostess would ask, "Smoking or Non?" I'm glad that I'm finally at a place in my life that I proudly proclaim "Non"...but walking around NYC is a lot like those ambiguous smoking and non-smoking sections in restaurants, where you're a victim of smoking whether you smoke or not.

It Ain't Easy Being Green

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Do you recycle? I'm not talking about separating your papers and plastics...I'm talking about dating exes. Depending on who you talk to, everyone seems to have a different answer for or against "going green." For me, I've generally been able to maintain friendships with most of my exes...though there are certainly some exceptions to this. After all, there was a reason you dated them in the first place so it seems that you should be able to maintain some level of friendship, right? On the other hand, there's a reason that they're your ex so maybe it's best to shut the door and move on. Friendship's one thing...but dating is a whole other situation. 

The dating scene is awful. I've been single more or less for about 3 years now and dating hasn't gotten any easier. In fact, it seems the longer I'm single, the easier it is to just stay that way. Of course I have my moments from time to time...like sitting on the subway across from a couple holding hands and making googly eyes at one another. But I usually get a reality check of some kind shortly thereafter...like overhearing someone in a fight over plans they made in lieu of spending every waking moment with their significant other. Ugh. 

A hectic schedule and barely enough time to sleep makes this kind of recycling seem so much easier. You don't have to get to know a whole new person from scratch. That sounds sad as I write it, but it really is true. Does recycling mean that you have to give up getting romanced though in place of something more convenient? I'm not even trying to pretend I have answers to these questions...just throwing them out into the universe and out of my head. Recycling might be good for the environment, but I'm not sure it translates the same in the context of people.