If You Can Make It Here...

We all know the saying here in New York, "If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere." And do you know why that is? I've learned that almost every system in New York is set up for you to lose. What's more frustrating is that you'll lose even doing the right thing.

Over the last few years, I've had quite a few problems with the management company of my apartment, including a full two months of no heat in my apartment the first winter I lived here.

If you drive in NYC, you know the costs associated with driving reach far beyond gas, insurance, repairs, etc. Driving in NYC also includes risking getting exorbitant tickets that far outreach the violation. Accordingly, I pay to secure a spot in a lot since the average cost in tickets surpasses the cost of the parking spot.

I came home a little after midnight tonight and found someone parked in my spot inside my gated driveway. After a little deliberation, I decided to first call a tow company. Even if they couldn't help me immediately, they could lead me in the right direction. 

I also called the local precinct, which doesn't allow you to speak to anyone directly. I redirected myself several times through the automated messages and finally hung up. The tow truck driver had explained I had to get a summons on the car before he could tow it. They couldn't tow it without it. 

I called 311 as I was instructed on the precinct's automated message and reported what was happening. The operator assured that I was taking the correct measures by calling 311 to initiate getting the car towed. He took all the information and told me the precinct would be notified.

So I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I fell asleep for a bit in my car and was awakened by my neighbor who was leaving for work. He said cars have been being parked in his spot, too. I felt frustrated that this has been happening on a regular basis to people who are paying good money to be able to freely park. 

The police finally called me about 4 and a half hours after I reported the incident and arrived about a half hour later. When I explained I had my lease to prove it's my spot, they said that they couldn't give a summons because it's on private property. I asked them if they could offer me any other solutions. They said I could take a picture of the car parked in my spot and take then to small claims court. 

My management company has no towing company information in the lot and no emergency number to reach them. This system, in particular, is designed for good people to lose despite their best efforts to do otherwise. 

After living in two other states and having some perspective outside of my life in New York City, I can honestly say that New York is designed in such a way that the odds are simply against you. Look at the cost of living in relation to the rate of pay; many are living at the poverty level despite working hard at good jobs.

I look around often and wonder why people stay. I wonder why they struggle and endure the coldness of NYC. Last night I saw a homeless man covered in a blue tarp as he slept in the rain in the west village. I wondered why he would go through that here. But then I remembered my own experience being in transition without a place to stay, but still staying here...living in my car to hold on to my dream. New York has a magnetism that many have experienced, but perhaps only a few can truly explain. Maybe they just stay so they can say they made it. 

 

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Image by joiseyshowaa via Flickr

It's Christmas day...and I'm in NYC, away from family and friends...but home. You may wonder why I've chosen to spend this special day by myself in such a big city. Part of me feels that I owe no explanation for wanting a little peace and quiet during this holiday, but another part of me feels compelled to share my reason for wanting to be where I am...even though it's home.

I came very close to opting out of Christmas this year all together...not the essence of the holiday, but the traveling portion of events. It's not that I don't love to see my family and friends during this time, but traveling alone year after year takes its toll and can sometimes feel like more of a task than anything else. I'm always glad that I made the trip once I'm with my family, but in the midst of making the drive back and forth, many times I just wish that they were all coming to see me for once.

Instead of skipping all the traveling this year, I decided to spend the time with my family that I wanted to without compromising all of myself...and still leaving Christmas day as a day to myself. It's something I've never done...and many times, did not have the option of doing.

I woke up this morning and took my time getting out of bed. With nowhere to be, I was tempted to just stay home and fall in and out of sleep, but I realized the significance of the day and wouldn't allow myself to let this day go by without some kind of reflection....and without doing something at least relatively productive. I got in my car and made my way onto the West Side Highway. I drove into the city without a specific destination in mind...except for a pit stop to Starbucks and a visit to one of my favorite churches, Riverside Church. I drove around taking in some of the last seasonal sights of the holiday season. I love the city every time of year, but there's something extra magical about New York City during Christmas time....which got me thinking.

I realized today, on the celebration of the day of Jesus' birth, that being in NYC is where I feel most connected to God. You may wonder why a hectic place like the city would make me feel closer to God. I suppose much of it is based on my own personal love of city life and aquatic scenes....Manhattan is the best of two of my very favorite things: the city and the water. The concrete jungle set juxtapose to the Hudson River reminds me of God's presence. The man-made structures somehow seem to fit perfectly against the backdrop of some of God's most beautiful creations. As humans, we are capable of making amazing, awe-inspiring structures. As incredible as they are, they're made that much more beautiful set against the structures and creations that only God can create. No matter how much technology comes along or how many buildings are constructed over the years, there is something about nature....the water and trees and the wind that blows....that reminds you that while, yes, man has come so far and created so much. But God, God has created man. And without God, we'd never know the beauty of any of this. Today I thank God for allowing me to have so many loved ones in my life, but I'm glad to celebrate being home for Christmas...and not just in my dreams.

Single by Choice...or just lack of choices

Image by Terwilliger911 via Flickr

29...and single. Some days, this is the greatest feeling in the world. I don't feel like I squandered my "good" years being bogged down in a relationship (disclaimer: no judgment on others who found love during this time in their life- lucky you!). Other days...particularly lately...I'm feeling a little of the pressure that comes along with being almost 30 and being nowhere near a stable relationship or a family. On any given day, I usually feel like my "singledom" is a matter of choice. After all, I won't lie...I do have options when it comes to people wanting to date me. I feel a little odd coming clean about that, but I'm sure you know by now, I'm not one to bite my tongue when it comes to being honest about my life. 

The problem is not that there aren't people interested in me...the real problem is that the feeling just isn't reciprocal. I wish that I was interested, but it's just not there. Don't get me wrong, so many people have PARTS of the kind of person I'm looking for, but seem to lack the full package kind of details. And I know what you're thinking...you're too picky- no wonder you're still single. Well, tell me this...what PARTS am I supposed to be willing to compromise on? I mean really. Some things are super obvious and just too major to overlook. And some things are just against my own personal set of standards. For instance, it's not that I mind that a guy has children or has been married...but for me, I want to be someone's first. I want to be the first (and only) mother of their child(ren)...I want to be the first woman he watch walk down the aisle towards him, ya know? Is that asking so much? Well, the closer to 30 I get, it seems like it just might be. 

Another point of contention (don't judge me) are the car-less. In NYC, I get that having a car is an inconvenience depending on where you live. But a guy not having a car makes me feel like a chauffeur. And maybe picking a guy up wouldn't make me feel like SUCH a chauffeur if maybe they threw me a 5 spot for gas or something. Sure, I'm a woman of the millennium, but there's a recession going on. C'mon! And what happened to chivalry? 

Ok, I think I'm done now. I just felt like I needed to clarify WHY I'm single...since that seems to be the first question when I tell someone that I am...like there's something wrong with being single. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single...when it's by choice....and even when it's not. But recently someone told me that I was single by choice and it made me realize it's less of a choice lately than just lack of the kind of choices I'm looking for.