Image via WikipediaWhen I first started to really actively blog, I had just started dating someone that I found to be one of the most special people I've ever dated. It was a whirlwind romance and everything happened so quickly. But like most romances of that kind, it burnt out almost just as fast...though I never really did completely understand why...but that's neither here nor there, especially at this point. In a recent turn of events, I've been back in touch with this individual...something I thought would never happen after the way things ended. But I guess time has a way of allowing your heart to heal enough to interact with someone who broke it.
So now I'm at a point in my life that I have all these exes...all of whom have not moved on in a real way. (i.e. gotten married, had children, etc.)...and I'm wondering what it says about the men I choose to date...and what it says about me in general. I'm finally at a place where I'm actively pursuing my career whole-heartedly and barely have time for any kind of real social life. As a result, my love life has taken a backseat to everything else I want for my life...which hasn't gone unnoticed. My parents have recently announced that they've given up on having anymore grandchildren. Ugh...no pressure.
In a recent barrage of phone calls and contact with a few of my exes, it got me wondering what is it about me that's not quite good enough to be with for the long haul...yet, too good to completely walk away from. Even more than that, it makes me wonder if staying touch with my exes is keeping me from creating a new and meaningful relationship with someone else...and then I remembered the last few people I went on dates with...and all of a sudden, the ex-factor seems to make so much more sense.
Wow! Hox, you know I always can relate in some way to your posts and blogs and might even live somewhat vicariously through them as well but i have to say this one really hits home. I've often wondered the same about myself and my life/relationships as well. I just got through speaking/texting with at least 3 if not more of my ex's. All of whom I deeply care about still as friends. Although there were the times of separation, something in me just feels compelled to hold on to the past. Maybe the relationship is supposed to work just at a later time, maybe the lessons from the relationships weren't fully learned yet, maybe all we were supposed to be was friends from jump street. Whatever the case, it's always hard to say goodbye. Even to the one's that really hurt me.
ReplyDeleteYou know, looking at the similarities between us, it kinda makes sense. Both strong, beautiful, intelligent, passionate and ambitious women who are driven to succeed and reach our goals no matter what. I have been told often that this is quite intimidating. Try being almost 6 feet tall with a bullish personality to match, in addition to all other mentioned attributes. It always equates to one thing-me being single... single like a piece of cheese!
My parents gave up on grandkids from me years ago. Probably because I told them to, I never wanted kids. I've always known my call was different from the norm and would lead me down a path far less travelled. But you know what, that's ok.
Who says that I HAVE to get married? Who says I HAVE to have children? Who says I have to live my life the way that millions of other women do? Many of which live with much regret for said decisions, by the way. I'm tired of beating myself down for not fitting into the box of traditional conformity. God made me the way I am!
Maybe I am intimidating, maybe I am too loud, or too honest or too loving or too gullible. OH FREAKING WELL! I'm obviously far too much for the average person to handle, I now take that as a compliment. Yeah sometimes I'm lonely but that's what my friends and family is for!
GOD that felt good!
Miss ya gal :)
So thankful for the feedback...and that you can relate. Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself...which is fine, but it's always nice to know that someone gets it, ya know? I definitely agree with almost everything you said. I wish that I could definitively say that I don't want to get married or have children, but I know there's a very real desire in my heart for that...though despite this desire, I'd never settle just to have it. I think you're an amazing woman...and you're so blessed to have a great support system- that can make all the difference in the world. Glad you were able to get that off your chest...that's why I blog! Miss you, too! <3 kfh
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