I Need a Hero

Image via Wikipedia

So here we are in the final days of 2010. I hope this year has brought about something good in your life, perhaps something even great! I'm experiencing a bit of writer's block with my music right now so I figured I'd keep the writing juices flowing, but take a step of way from lyrics for a bit to hopefully find some new inspiration. 

As I reflect on this year, it's hard to believe how much has happened...for the good and the bad. The best part of my year by far has been setting the wheels in motion to pursue my acting and singing career...with some writing and modeling in between. It's amazing what you're capable of doing if you stop thinking about what to do....and just do it. I guess Nike was onto something there. 

As for the bad part of my year...is it better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all? Well, I think so...for the most part. After writing so much about love this year, I feel like it's only appropriate that I should close out the year with some kind of reflection on it. You've heard about me falling in love, falling out of love, and my version of going green...a recycling of exes. It's dawned on me that in 2011, I want to meet Captain Planet...not that Captain Planet.

If I look at each one of my exes, I realize that each of them offers something great and unique about themselves. However, each one of them offers at least one or more characteristic which will simply not allow things to work out in the long term. Accordingly, if I could take the good characteristics from each of them to form a totally, perfect, compatible person for me, I could have the best of everything. Individually, they're not going to work out, but if I combined their forces, I just might find happiness in a relationship, ya know...like Captain Planet. And if not, there's always He-Man...I mean, how can you go wrong with the most powerful man of the universe? 

Taking the X Out of Christmas: II

Image by timojazz via Flickr

I had originally included this as part of the first blog post regarding my rantings about replacing the word Christ with an X in Christmas, but I thought it would be a little inappropriate to follow that up with something as silly as talking about my exes...so here we are at the sequel...a separate, but indirectly related notion of taking the X out of Christmas...or in this case, the ex.

During a recent trip to Buffalo with an ex, I realized that there is really nothing left between us...nothing may be too strong of a word. We do have friendship left, but friendship is the only aspect of "us' that remains. When he had originally asked me to take the trip with him, I was flattered and thought that maybe this would be the breakthrough we needed to figure things out. By the time he dropped me off at my house, I realized this WAS the breakthrough I needed...to finally walk away. Nothing bad or earth-shattering happened during our fourteen hour road trip...no fighting, no accidents- nothing. It was in this nothingness that I realized that while he's one of my favorite people to watch basketball with or sometimes catch a movie with, that's all it is...friendship. I don't wait by the phone for him to call me. I don't care if I go through the week without seeing him. And I definitely don't have any plans of buying him a Christmas present. This year, I'm taking the ex out of Christmas...and the X.

The Ex-Factor

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I knew it would be only a matter of time before I really got into this subject. It's been like a ticking time bomb...one that I've made certain comments about, but have never really fully devoted an entire post about. Unlike most people I know, I have an uncanny ability to stay friends, on some level, with almost all of my ex-boyfriends. Most of my friends have the ability (and arguably the common sense) to break things off in a very permanent way when their relationships don't work out. I, on the other hand, am the girl who just can't seem to let go...or is it that they can't let me go...maybe a little bit of both.

When I first started to really actively blog, I had just started dating someone that I found to be one of the most special people I've ever dated. It was a whirlwind romance and everything happened so quickly. But like most romances of that kind, it burnt out almost just as fast...though I never really did completely understand why...but that's neither here nor there, especially at this point. In a recent turn of events, I've been back in touch with this individual...something I thought would never happen after the way things ended. But I guess time has a way of allowing your heart to heal enough to interact with someone who broke it. 

So now I'm at a point in my life that I have all these exes...all of whom have not moved on in a real way. (i.e. gotten married, had children, etc.)...and I'm wondering what it says about the men I choose to date...and what it says about me in general. I'm finally at a place where I'm actively pursuing my career whole-heartedly and barely have time for any kind of real social life. As a result, my love life has taken a backseat to everything else I want for my life...which hasn't gone unnoticed. My parents have recently announced that they've given up on having anymore grandchildren. Ugh...no pressure. 

In a recent barrage of phone calls and contact with a few of my exes, it got me wondering what is it about me that's not quite good enough to be with for the long haul...yet, too good to completely walk away from. Even more than that, it makes me wonder if staying touch with my exes is keeping me from creating a new and meaningful relationship with someone else...and then I remembered the last few people I went on dates with...and all of a sudden, the ex-factor seems to make so much more sense.