Assumptions vs. Psychic Powers

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Hello again. I've been busy with a lot of things lately so I apologize for the lack of posts. I recently worked on an episode of Boardwalk Empire and I've been diligently working on writing new music. In the midst of all of this, I started dating someone that I met on new year's eve (that's a story for another time). Anyway, we've been slowly working our way through the pros and cons of getting to know someone new. Of course the beginning of dating someone can be exciting, but it's also loaded with so many unknown twists and turns and can be a bit of a rollercoaster ride.

In a recent conversation, sometimes known as an argument, we verbally sparred with our own personal interpretations of what should be expected of one another a month and a half into dating...keep in mind, it's the day before Valentine's day...perhaps part of the reason the conversation came up at all. He stated his case and I honestly heard him out., but I don't know if it's just because I'm a female...or if it's just because I'm me...try as I might, I just couldn't bring myself to 100% agree with his perspective. I also think that part of my disagreement with him stemmed from the fact that I really think sometimes guys mistake women's intuition with women's psychic powers....the latter, I certainly don't claim to have.

If a woman assumes something, she's automatically wrong for drawing conclusions without all the facts. On the other hand, men assume that women completely understand the logic behind certain decisions that men make. But if we're not supposed to assume, then why would THEY assume that we understand all their decisions without all the facts. The only explanation I can think of is that men believe we have a set of psychic friends to rely on when we really need to understand things that men do. Maybe I should call Cleo or something.Ugh. Happy Valentine's Day. ; )

The Ex-Factor

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I knew it would be only a matter of time before I really got into this subject. It's been like a ticking time bomb...one that I've made certain comments about, but have never really fully devoted an entire post about. Unlike most people I know, I have an uncanny ability to stay friends, on some level, with almost all of my ex-boyfriends. Most of my friends have the ability (and arguably the common sense) to break things off in a very permanent way when their relationships don't work out. I, on the other hand, am the girl who just can't seem to let go...or is it that they can't let me go...maybe a little bit of both.

When I first started to really actively blog, I had just started dating someone that I found to be one of the most special people I've ever dated. It was a whirlwind romance and everything happened so quickly. But like most romances of that kind, it burnt out almost just as fast...though I never really did completely understand why...but that's neither here nor there, especially at this point. In a recent turn of events, I've been back in touch with this individual...something I thought would never happen after the way things ended. But I guess time has a way of allowing your heart to heal enough to interact with someone who broke it. 

So now I'm at a point in my life that I have all these exes...all of whom have not moved on in a real way. (i.e. gotten married, had children, etc.)...and I'm wondering what it says about the men I choose to date...and what it says about me in general. I'm finally at a place where I'm actively pursuing my career whole-heartedly and barely have time for any kind of real social life. As a result, my love life has taken a backseat to everything else I want for my life...which hasn't gone unnoticed. My parents have recently announced that they've given up on having anymore grandchildren. Ugh...no pressure. 

In a recent barrage of phone calls and contact with a few of my exes, it got me wondering what is it about me that's not quite good enough to be with for the long haul...yet, too good to completely walk away from. Even more than that, it makes me wonder if staying touch with my exes is keeping me from creating a new and meaningful relationship with someone else...and then I remembered the last few people I went on dates with...and all of a sudden, the ex-factor seems to make so much more sense. 

Just Add Water!

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So I guess I'm back to talking about love...or lack there of. Working as much I have been has led to a pretty much non-existent love life. I'm certainly not complaining about the amount of work I have lately, but it's definitely highlighted some other aspects of my life that are not quite as bountiful.

Because of the nature of my work, I meet new people almost daily. I'm a huge advocate of the benefits of networking and I'm generally a people-person anyway so I love this aspect of what I do. Amongst the people that I work with, every once in a while I meet a guy that show some level of interest.

I recently was on a set and was giving my number to a friend of mine. The guy who was walking with us made this his opportunity to also take my number...despite the fact it was not intended for him. I couldn't take my number back from him once he got it so I hoped he would just forgot he had gotten it.

I got home from the set that day and got a text. It was him. His first text was harmless so I responded. I try not to be rude...a trait of mine, which usually backfires more than not. Me trying not to be rude led to several more texts. At one point, he started sending me inappropriate and unwarranted texts ranging from wanting to be in a relationship with me to...well. I'll let you use your imagination. I finally wrote back to him and told him to give it a rest.

Despite the fact that I have so little time to meet, date, and start a relationship, I'd never rush into something just to have a boyfriend...especially a creepy one. My past experiences and level of standards make finding someone that much harder, but I know it'll happen when and if it's meant to happen. Until then, I'll try my best to avoid guys eavesdropping conversations to get my number. And just a note to people who think that having someone's phone number is an invitation to prompt a conversation about being in a relationship with them...it's not. There's no such thing as an instant girlfriend...I'm not mashed potatoes.

Single by Choice...or just lack of choices

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29...and single. Some days, this is the greatest feeling in the world. I don't feel like I squandered my "good" years being bogged down in a relationship (disclaimer: no judgment on others who found love during this time in their life- lucky you!). Other days...particularly lately...I'm feeling a little of the pressure that comes along with being almost 30 and being nowhere near a stable relationship or a family. On any given day, I usually feel like my "singledom" is a matter of choice. After all, I won't lie...I do have options when it comes to people wanting to date me. I feel a little odd coming clean about that, but I'm sure you know by now, I'm not one to bite my tongue when it comes to being honest about my life. 

The problem is not that there aren't people interested in me...the real problem is that the feeling just isn't reciprocal. I wish that I was interested, but it's just not there. Don't get me wrong, so many people have PARTS of the kind of person I'm looking for, but seem to lack the full package kind of details. And I know what you're thinking...you're too picky- no wonder you're still single. Well, tell me this...what PARTS am I supposed to be willing to compromise on? I mean really. Some things are super obvious and just too major to overlook. And some things are just against my own personal set of standards. For instance, it's not that I mind that a guy has children or has been married...but for me, I want to be someone's first. I want to be the first (and only) mother of their child(ren)...I want to be the first woman he watch walk down the aisle towards him, ya know? Is that asking so much? Well, the closer to 30 I get, it seems like it just might be. 

Another point of contention (don't judge me) are the car-less. In NYC, I get that having a car is an inconvenience depending on where you live. But a guy not having a car makes me feel like a chauffeur. And maybe picking a guy up wouldn't make me feel like SUCH a chauffeur if maybe they threw me a 5 spot for gas or something. Sure, I'm a woman of the millennium, but there's a recession going on. C'mon! And what happened to chivalry? 

Ok, I think I'm done now. I just felt like I needed to clarify WHY I'm single...since that seems to be the first question when I tell someone that I am...like there's something wrong with being single. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single...when it's by choice....and even when it's not. But recently someone told me that I was single by choice and it made me realize it's less of a choice lately than just lack of the kind of choices I'm looking for. 

It Ain't Easy Being Green

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Do you recycle? I'm not talking about separating your papers and plastics...I'm talking about dating exes. Depending on who you talk to, everyone seems to have a different answer for or against "going green." For me, I've generally been able to maintain friendships with most of my exes...though there are certainly some exceptions to this. After all, there was a reason you dated them in the first place so it seems that you should be able to maintain some level of friendship, right? On the other hand, there's a reason that they're your ex so maybe it's best to shut the door and move on. Friendship's one thing...but dating is a whole other situation. 

The dating scene is awful. I've been single more or less for about 3 years now and dating hasn't gotten any easier. In fact, it seems the longer I'm single, the easier it is to just stay that way. Of course I have my moments from time to time...like sitting on the subway across from a couple holding hands and making googly eyes at one another. But I usually get a reality check of some kind shortly thereafter...like overhearing someone in a fight over plans they made in lieu of spending every waking moment with their significant other. Ugh. 

A hectic schedule and barely enough time to sleep makes this kind of recycling seem so much easier. You don't have to get to know a whole new person from scratch. That sounds sad as I write it, but it really is true. Does recycling mean that you have to give up getting romanced though in place of something more convenient? I'm not even trying to pretend I have answers to these questions...just throwing them out into the universe and out of my head. Recycling might be good for the environment, but I'm not sure it translates the same in the context of people. 

Pressing Reset

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Well, it's over.For anyone who has been keeping up with the blog, you've heard about the guy I've been dating for the last couple months...it's safe to say you'll never hear about him again. And if you've been reading my blog, you're also familar with something I call the ice cube theory...the ice cube is melted, shattered, and all over the floor...but I can proudly say the ice cube's state is solely due to him...I tried. I tried and tried...and refrained from name calling or hurtful actions...which is more than I can say for him. I guess I can come clean about the the fact that most of the reason I've been so down lately has stemmed from him. I'm not one of those girls who lets my whole world  be affected by a guy, but this time I gave too much too soon...and paid the consequences.

Lesson learned...moving right along. It seems appropriate that things should come to an end with him just as I am spreading my wings in other areas of my life..a new beginning. I've been diligently submitting to casting agencies and feeling the winds of change in the air. It's time to get back to me and the goals in my life. At times, we get so preoccupied with trying to make things in a relationship work that we neglect to make our own lives work. When you realize you're giving more of yourself to someone else than you are to you, it's time to press reset.