High Fashion: Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

Back in my little hometown of East Greenwich, RI, I sit here thinking. It's usually on these occasions when I'm home that I have a little more free time than I do while I'm back in New York in my usual grind mode trying to squeeze more hours into the day than what actually exist. I've been working overtime lately to get my music heard in as many places as possible. I've been joined recently by new supporters and fans, and sponsors looking to get on board with the movement I've begun to create with my music. I consider myself abundantly blessed. Everyday I wake up and I move towards the direction of my dreams. There is not a day that goes by that I'm not proactively working towards making my dreams come into fruition. I'm relentless in my pursuit with no signs of slowing down.
I performed at New Rochelle Jazz Festival a couple weeks ago. A friend and one of my biggest fans, Jo Porty, had stopped by the show and told me to come by Post Road Ale House where she had booked another singer/ song writer, Jason Gisser. At the Jazz Fest, I had a great time performing some original tunes to my backing tracks then took the stage with The Brian Carter Trio to perform "Fever," one of my all time favorites to sing. When the show ended, I found myself sitting at the bar at Post Road Ale House sipping on club soda, trying to find the energy to stick around for a bit to enjoy the great sounds of Jason. Despite the fact I really enjoyed his music, I was bordering on exhaustion. I've been averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep and it was starting to catch up with me.
Jo introduced my to a lively girl at the bar, Joy K, whose energy and enthusiasm were initially overwhelming in my dreary state. She's also a singer/ song writer, as well as a cancer survivor and mother. I went up and sang "Back With You" with Jason who was so gracious to let me take a few minutes of his gig to perform my music. After I sang, I sat back down and chatted more with Joy, who was still full of all the energy I was trying to find within myself that night. She told me about her battle with cancer and her background in music.
Eventually and inevitably, our conversation transitioned into matters of faith. Joy is Wiccan and started to share with me some of what that means. She also began to share with me some words of inspiration about my musical journey. She advised me that I'm going to make it and to not give up...something I really needed to hear on that particularly exhausting day. She also shared with me the importance of being transparent about my journey...more specifically, to wear my heart of my sleeve. I listened as tears ran down my face.
As most of you already know, I'm a positive person. Despite any challenges, I focus on the good and find the blessings in every situation. After living out of my car for four months, that was a large part of how I survived and overcame that situation. I believe that being happy and positive is a choice that we make everyday.
So I find myself once again in Rhode Island, sitting in a Starbucks that I only knew as a bank growing up here in East Greenwich. I sit in this bank-turned-coffee-shop and realize all the changes that have taken place since I once lived here over 10 years ago. Last night I got into one of the only arguments I've ever gotten into with my brother. Our argument was about my dream and about my objectives in living out my dream.
But to get into why this argument happened in the first place, I find it necessary to give you further background. I recently got a phone call from my father telling me that my parents were being forced to sell their home, the home my parents have lived in my entire life. My father stayed on the phone with me and proceeded to tell me, "I'm f@*ked. I've worked 70 hours a week, holidays, weekends, and overtime and now I have nothing to show for it. I can't even afford buy another house after we sell it." To clarify, my mother is a manic depressive who has created many financial obstacles due to her mental illness. In all fairness, I've done my fair share of contributing to the financial issues of my family, needing help with student loan payments and car insurance since I'm not working a traditional job with a steady income. I sat there on the phone with my father and pleaded with him to stay positive and believe in my dream, believe in all the hard work I'm putting into this, and believe that I'm going to be able to repay my family for all they've helped me with throughout the years.
Going back to the argument that I had with my brother last night, I was telling him about everything I have going on in New York and how I can feel the momentum building. I told him that I just prayed that I would have a breakthrough soon so I could help my parents. This is where the breaking point came. He told me that as an artist, I should EXPECT to be broke for the rest of my life and to not live to help my parents, or anyone else for that matter. I was livid and standing there defending something I have given everything inside me to make happen.I stood there with tears streaming down my face...not because I was sad or had given up hope in my dream, but because I realized how misunderstood I am by the people who I'm closest to.
Most of my immediate family can not even fathom the dream I have in my heart. I realized there are strangers that have known me for 5 minutes that have more faith in my dream than my own family. It's a hard pill to swallow. This journey is already a relatively lonely one...and that's before the realization that your family isn't really on board.
I sit here in my hometown, one of the smallest towns in the smallest state in the country, and realize that my responsibility is great, my dream is giant, and my work ethic is the only thing that's bigger than even both of these. I know this and believe this...even if no one else does. And while yes, my dream is for me, first and foremost, it is also for my family and for everyone who has been with me on this journey. I have inspired others in this pursuit and countless others have inspired and motivated me. This has become so much bigger than just me. This is for you...so that you know you can do anything you set your mind and heart to with enough hard work and dedication.
If you've seen pictures of me performing, you know I'm usually wearing a dress or a skirt and a pair of stilettos. Today, I also add to my style a new fashion statement...my heart on my sleeve.

iDream

"Have you ever had a dream that was meant to be...then finally found your voice, which spoke your destiny? Well, I've dreamed and I woke. In this new voice I spoke. And once I finally heard my voice, it was time to make some noise!" These are the lyrics to the 3rd song, "Screaming to be Free" on my EP, "Light Shines Through Me," which, as of TODAY, can be purchased on iTunes!

"Screaming to be Free" was produced by GI Joe and has a music video directed by Rodolfo Duran of DoneRightDigital.com, which is just waiting in the wings to be released! Once KFHox (facebook.com/kfhox) reaches the 1,000 fan mark, the video will be briefly released online and then available for purchase on iTunes!

This has been a crazy, exhausting, at time confusing, and long journey, and it's only just begun! I thank God to have finally found my voice and to have transitioned from iDream to iTunes!!!

No Woman, No Cry

Cover of Etta James

In the span of a year, we've lost so many legends. For me, I feel like I keep losing parts of myself as I lost Amy Winehouse, George Harrison, and, today, the incomparable Etta James. But with these losses, I can't help but feel a growing responsibility to fill the voids these artists have left and create my own musical legacy.

My musical influences run a wide spectrum, ranging from classic rock and roll, motown, neo-soul, reggae, jazz, blues, gospel, new age, R&B, hip-hop, and basically everything in between. I've done my best to keep my ears and heart open to every musical genre. The beauty of music is that it's the only thing in our world that's truly universal. For about 3 minutes, it doesn't matter who you are, where you came from, what you've been through...we're all on the same page. It's the most magical moment of realization if you've ever been to a concert and look around at all the different kinds of people that all know the same words.

If you know me, you'll know that I do my best to put as much positive energy into the world as I can. I want to do the most amount of good with my time on earth as possible and I KNOW that music is my vehicle to do just that.

My last blog post was more somber than my usual posts, but when I woke up today and heard the news of Etta James passing, I was reminded of something that I had temporarily forgotten. I'm ALIVE! Seems simple, right? But honestly, just the fact that I'm alive to face another day means I've been given another opportunity to make this happen. Today, I began applying for a grant through BRIO to help create some new music. I'm looking under every rock until I find the resources to make this happen. I've also been applying for part-time positions to help sustain my livelihood while I do this. I had gotten really stuck on the notion that taking a part-time job doing anything, but singing, would de-rail my dream. I realize now the necessity of it in order to fulfill my dream. I've learned to let go of the resentment I feel towards surviving and replaced it with gratitude for the alternative skill sets that I have that will allow me to support myself and move forward full-force with my dream.

I recently recorded vocals to a track produced by Doue Carter entitled, "I Cry." I love the song, which I wrote in about 3 minutes after Doue sent me the track. It's one of those songs that just wrote itself. You can hear the undertones of Etta James' "I'd Rather Go Blind" on the track. In fact, I had to get that song out of my head in order to work out the melody line for the song. As I reflect on the life, legacy, and music of this beautiful woman, I thank God for the opportunity to work on my own new music.

Songs like "No Woman, No Cry" by Bob Marley have made me feel so much better on days like I've had lately. And though the title of my song would lead you to believe that it's a sad song, at its core, it's actually about tears of joy. It's about celebrating the fact that, as women, sometimes we cry because we're just so overjoyed by the love in our hearts. To give you an idea of what I mean, here's a taste of some of the lyrics, "I cry 'cause I love you, but you don't get it. You think I'm just being a girl. And I cry 'cause I'm happy. Just forget it. You're the biggest thing in my itty bitty world." So women, go ahead and cry! But once you're done crying, don't forget to smile and be grateful that we've been given another day to make it happen!

RIP Ms. Etta James

Home...errrr....Starbucks is Where the Heart Is

Another day, another Starbucks! If you know me at all, you'll know I've become accustomed to turning any given Starbucks into my very own home office of sorts. Today, I've set up shop at an Ormond Beach Starbucks in Florida. I used to frequent this particular location when I lived in the area. but I digress...as usual.

I'm here in Florida for a number of reasons. The first of which was to celebrate Thanksgiving with my extended family in Flagler Beach. Many of you met Kathy, my second mother, when you came to the EP Release Party. Thanks again to EVERYONE who came out and/ or signed in online to BXRecords.com to watch! It was such an inspiring and gratifying night to see everyone join together to celebrate local artists, local businesses, and MUSIC! It was truly the best day of my life...so far!

So now what?! Well, some of you who know me or who have been following my story know that I've been living out of my car for a little over 2 months now...hence, the reason Starbucks has become such a God send in serving as a home office! Now that I've released the EP, I'm working on getting all the legal paperwork completed to release the songs on iTunes and release the music video for "Screaming to be Free," produced by GI Joe. I need to start making money on my music soon since I can't live out of my car forever! ;)

Today, I challenged my Facebook friends to help me get 1,000 "likes" for KFHox (facebook.com/kfhox). Once I reach the thousand fan mark, I'll release the video for "Screaming to be Free" directed by Rodolfo Duran of DoneRightDigital.com online. I'm also working on some other new music that's been in the works for quite some time now. Living out of my car has made it challenging to work as quickly as I'd like to, but I'm grateful for all the support and love I've received throughout this journey!

While in Florida, I'll be visiting my old stomping grounds, Full Sail University, where I used to work as a regional admissions representative. I'm going to put the wheels in motion to get an intern to work for KFHox, which is a small business I started this year. I need to get some help with promoting my music on all the social networks I'm on and it's become increasingly challenging to wear all hats: manager, booker, promoter, writer, AND artist. I need to start sleeping more than 4-5 hours a night at some point so this may be the relief I need until I find appropriate management. It's hard to get any sleep when you're living your dream.

Why don't I already have a manager? It's not for lack of being in demand, but more for lack of finding the right "glass slipper", so to speak. I've worked tirelessly to make the progress I've made thus far and I've been approached by some good people with good intentions. However, God knows how much work I've truly put into this and to pass the torch to anyone asking would be doing an injustice to myself and everything I've sacrificed to get this far. I have faith that my "prince charming" manager is out there, but just like Cinderella, I must wait patiently for the day when my foot comfortably slides into that slipper.

Until then, I'm working hard to get my music heard by as many people as possible. I'll have more copies of the EP available when I return to New York in December for my 2 shows: Dec. 15th at Bruckner Bar & Grill, BX: Bruckner Sessions Vol. IV & Dec. 16th at Post Road Ale House, New Rochelle with John James Piteo & friends!

I'm also planning on getting some music recorded here in Florida with "Cioni Brasco," an artist you'll be hearing more about very soon! On my travels back up north, I'll be making a stop in South Carolina to work on a remix to a song by Sunni G called, "Her or The Music" and get some face time with Kelly of KellyKel Promotions, who's been working hard to promote my music regionally.

Thank you, as always, for ALL your continuous love and support. Whether you realize it or not, YOU are my survival. There are days when I feel like I might fall apart, but my faith in God and knowing that you are behind me gives me the strength, energy, and momentum I need to keep going! I hope that I can be that for you, as well! You have my word that I won't stop until I get all the way to the top! THANK YOU!!!

The Grass is Always Greener...

Cover of ?uestlove

Well, hello there! I know, I know...it's been a while...too long. I've had a lot going on since the new year and I simply haven't had the time to dedicate to writing as much as I used to. Busy is good though, right?

I just got back from a short trip to FL...my first time back since I got relocated for work back in January 2009 and boy, was it needed. Winter in NY seems to have no end this year. It's been brutal...borderline depressing! A little dose of the sunshine state was definitely just what the doctor ordered. I never would've scheduled the trip, but my old boss (and someone who I consider to be one of my many mothers) was getting married and I simply couldn't miss the occasion!

I booked the flight and tried not to think too much about it until it got closer to the time to go. I've been so wrapped up in my NY life that I didn't have time to really think about what this trip to Florida would mean. But the day finally came and I was never so happy to get on a plane out of New York! I got off the plane and had a chance encounter with ?uestlove (pronounced Questlove) of The Roots while picking up my checked baggage. To this day, I have no idea how to properly pack so I brought way too much stuff for my little 5-day vacation. But the worrier in me would never allow me to pack lightly. As usual, I digress.....

I got off the place and was greeted by one of my very favorite people in FL...the world is actually a more accurate description! Already off to a good start, we decided it would be a good idea to squeeze in a little time in downtown Orlando. But since all the bars close at 2 and I came in late, it didn't offer much time. I found myself wishing we were in NY just so we could stay out a little longer. We made the best of it and had a lot of fun in a short time.

I woke up in the morning feeling like my sinuses had exploded. Though I've never suffered from allergies, Florida seemed to have fooled my sinuses into thinking that I do. I could barely breathe through my nose. I realized I never really felt like that in NY...perhaps because that would require the season of spring to actually arrive!

I won't get into too much of what I did while I was in Florida...I'll just say that I did my best to eat all the food I can only get in FL and see all the people that time would allow while I was there. By the end of my trip, there was a lot of food that I hadn't gotten to eat (probably for the best) and a lot of people that I didn't have the privilege of seeing. Overall, it just made me wanting more...more palm trees, more days on the beach, more time with people I consider true friends, and so on. It made me miss living in Florida.

Though on any given day in the 5 1/2 years I lived in FL, you could hear me babbling on and on about how much I wanted to move back to NY. I wasted a lot of time in FL wishing I was in NY. In the last 2 years that I've been back in NY, you wouldn't have caught me saying the same thing about FL. Perhaps it was an out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing, but I bet you'll hear me wishing FL back into my life now...especially if it snows even ONE MORE TIME! But alas, the moral of the story is that the grass...errr....the sand?....is always greener. Make the best of what you have, where you have it....everything else will work itself out.

8 Days a Week

Image via Wikipedia

It's 7 pm on a Saturday night and I'm finally getting settled in after being awake for over 30 hours and working on two movie sets. A few weeks back I had submitted for a 3 weekend gig for a movie called Man on a Ledge, which stars Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell, Kyra Sedgewick, Ed Harris, and Ed Burns. Shortly there after I was booked for 3 consecutive days on Mr. Popper's Penguins, which stars Jim Carrey and Angela Lansbury. I was so excited to be booked in advance for so many days that I hadn't really thought about what that kind of commitment would mean.
......
It's now Tuesday and I'm finally starting to feel like a normal human being again. This past week was an amazing experience, but totally exhausting. After starting Wednesday-Friday at about 4:30 p.m. and shooting until between 6-7 a.m. for Mr. Popper's Penguins, Friday I headed straight to the set of Man on a Ledge. I actually ended up being late for my call time for Man on a Ledge because it was not initially communicated that Popper's Penguins would be a night shoot. Had I known that they were night shoots, I wouldn't have submitted for them since I had already committed to Man on a Ledge. I was one of about 20 people who faced the same predicament. It's a lesson learned that I hope to not run into again....for a few reasons. One reason is that it made me look unprofessional, which was my biggest concern. The other reason is because I never got to sleep. I'm still not entirely sure how I was able to not only stay awake, but function on a normal level with zero sleep. I think I was running on pure adrenaline.

With November coming to a close and the holiday coming up, I find myself a little less eager to work as much as possible this week. I'm taking some time to rest up after completely burning myself out and catching a bit of a cold as a result. Just checking in to wish everyone the happiest of holidays and remind you to take some time for yourself! Rest, relax, and try to only work 7 days a week...8 is a little excessive!

It Ain't Easy Being Green

Image via Wikipedia

Do you recycle? I'm not talking about separating your papers and plastics...I'm talking about dating exes. Depending on who you talk to, everyone seems to have a different answer for or against "going green." For me, I've generally been able to maintain friendships with most of my exes...though there are certainly some exceptions to this. After all, there was a reason you dated them in the first place so it seems that you should be able to maintain some level of friendship, right? On the other hand, there's a reason that they're your ex so maybe it's best to shut the door and move on. Friendship's one thing...but dating is a whole other situation. 

The dating scene is awful. I've been single more or less for about 3 years now and dating hasn't gotten any easier. In fact, it seems the longer I'm single, the easier it is to just stay that way. Of course I have my moments from time to time...like sitting on the subway across from a couple holding hands and making googly eyes at one another. But I usually get a reality check of some kind shortly thereafter...like overhearing someone in a fight over plans they made in lieu of spending every waking moment with their significant other. Ugh. 

A hectic schedule and barely enough time to sleep makes this kind of recycling seem so much easier. You don't have to get to know a whole new person from scratch. That sounds sad as I write it, but it really is true. Does recycling mean that you have to give up getting romanced though in place of something more convenient? I'm not even trying to pretend I have answers to these questions...just throwing them out into the universe and out of my head. Recycling might be good for the environment, but I'm not sure it translates the same in the context of people.