This has been a crazy, exhausting, at time confusing, and long journey, and it's only just begun! I thank God to have finally found my voice and to have transitioned from iDream to iTunes!!!
Monday, January 30, 2012
iDream
"Have you ever had a dream that was meant to be...then finally found your voice, which spoke your destiny? Well, I've dreamed and I woke. In this new voice I spoke. And once I finally heard my voice, it was time to make some noise!" These are the lyrics to the 3rd song, "Screaming to be Free" on my EP, "Light Shines Through Me," which, as of TODAY, can be purchased on iTunes!
"Screaming to be Free" was produced by GI Joe and has a music video directed by Rodolfo Duran of DoneRightDigital.com, which is just waiting in the wings to be released! Once KFHox (facebook.com/kfhox) reaches the 1,000 fan mark, the video will be briefly released online and then available for purchase on iTunes!
This has been a crazy, exhausting, at time confusing, and long journey, and it's only just begun! I thank God to have finally found my voice and to have transitioned from iDream to iTunes!!!
This has been a crazy, exhausting, at time confusing, and long journey, and it's only just begun! I thank God to have finally found my voice and to have transitioned from iDream to iTunes!!!
Friday, January 20, 2012
No Woman, No Cry
Cover of Etta JamesIn the span of a year, we've lost so many legends. For me, I feel like I keep losing parts of myself as I lost Amy Winehouse, George Harrison, and, today, the incomparable Etta James. But with these losses, I can't help but feel a growing responsibility to fill the voids these artists have left and create my own musical legacy.
My musical influences run a wide spectrum, ranging from classic rock and roll, motown, neo-soul, reggae, jazz, blues, gospel, new age, R&B, hip-hop, and basically everything in between. I've done my best to keep my ears and heart open to every musical genre. The beauty of music is that it's the only thing in our world that's truly universal. For about 3 minutes, it doesn't matter who you are, where you came from, what you've been through...we're all on the same page. It's the most magical moment of realization if you've ever been to a concert and look around at all the different kinds of people that all know the same words.
If you know me, you'll know that I do my best to put as much positive energy into the world as I can. I want to do the most amount of good with my time on earth as possible and I KNOW that music is my vehicle to do just that.
My last blog post was more somber than my usual posts, but when I woke up today and heard the news of Etta James passing, I was reminded of something that I had temporarily forgotten. I'm ALIVE! Seems simple, right? But honestly, just the fact that I'm alive to face another day means I've been given another opportunity to make this happen. Today, I began applying for a grant through BRIO to help create some new music. I'm looking under every rock until I find the resources to make this happen. I've also been applying for part-time positions to help sustain my livelihood while I do this. I had gotten really stuck on the notion that taking a part-time job doing anything, but singing, would de-rail my dream. I realize now the necessity of it in order to fulfill my dream. I've learned to let go of the resentment I feel towards surviving and replaced it with gratitude for the alternative skill sets that I have that will allow me to support myself and move forward full-force with my dream.
I recently recorded vocals to a track produced by Doue Carter entitled, "I Cry." I love the song, which I wrote in about 3 minutes after Doue sent me the track. It's one of those songs that just wrote itself. You can hear the undertones of Etta James' "I'd Rather Go Blind" on the track. In fact, I had to get that song out of my head in order to work out the melody line for the song. As I reflect on the life, legacy, and music of this beautiful woman, I thank God for the opportunity to work on my own new music.
Songs like "No Woman, No Cry" by Bob Marley have made me feel so much better on days like I've had lately. And though the title of my song would lead you to believe that it's a sad song, at its core, it's actually about tears of joy. It's about celebrating the fact that, as women, sometimes we cry because we're just so overjoyed by the love in our hearts. To give you an idea of what I mean, here's a taste of some of the lyrics, "I cry 'cause I love you, but you don't get it. You think I'm just being a girl. And I cry 'cause I'm happy. Just forget it. You're the biggest thing in my itty bitty world." So women, go ahead and cry! But once you're done crying, don't forget to smile and be grateful that we've been given another day to make it happen!
RIP Ms. Etta James
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Meet Me at the Crossroads
I've been writing less and less in the last year as you may have noticed. Putting a band together, planning an EP release party, booking and promoting shows...all while living out of my car...have proven to be challenging and time consuming tasks. And while I'm honored, proud, and blessed that I was able to survive all of it and pull it off successfully, I find myself at a crossroads.
Yesterday was the hardest day I've had in a long time. I started my morning off by going to the Sunshine Bronx Incubator in the south Bronx, which offers affordable shared office space for start-ups. In the last year, I registered KFHox as a small business in the Bronx. My vision was for KFHox to become an umbrella company covering an array of services including writing, publishing, and consulting. My success within the realm of social media in the last two years has shown me what I'm capable of. I've also really enjoyed the networking aspect of things and putting like-minded people that need one another together. It seemed like a natural transition for me to move into some kind of consulting and managing since I need to make money to keep a roof over my head. The winter's gotten much too cold to continue life in my Jeep.
I gave my elevator pitch of KFHox to Sunshine and left feeling pretty confident that this was what I needed to do to in order to take the next steps. Life post-11.11.11 has consisted of many steps in various directions searching for the next step. Once I got out of my meeting, I returned a call I had gotten from one of my former piano players, Neffee. She invited me to come over for a bit and said that we needed to talk. Instantly, I was sick to my stomach. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about and I was already feeling a bit overwhelmed by the meeting I had just walked out of, but I went because I wanted to chat and I was anxious to find out what was so important.
When I got there, she was playing my EP, "Light Shines Through Me." And while one part of me was happy that she was listening to my music, another part of me knew there was another reason that she was listening to it. She made small talk for a bit and we caught up on a few things since we had last seen each other. And then she started to talk about what we needed to talk about. She told me that she loved me as a friend and that I had a ton of natural talent. But for as talented as I am, I'm not serious about my training and maintenance of my voice. I sat in silence as she broke down the last year of my life....all the promoting and branding and social networking. She said, "You're DOING IT. You're really doing it, Kathryn." But all of this came at the cost of leaving me little to no time to actually be an artist. And while this is something I've discussed with several people over the course of the last year, it sounded different coming from someone else, especially Neffee. It's true. Without a manager or any team to speak of, I'm left to do it all alone. We talked about exercises that I need to incorporate into my daily routine and other things I can do to get my voice where it needs to be, and as our conversation was coming to an end, my phone rang.
On the other end of the phone was Kathy, the woman who helped raise me during most of my childhood. Kathy's basically like my second mother. She's saved my life in every way that a person can be saved...physically, emotionally, mentally, and beyond. She had called to talk to me about "the next step." After just having finished getting some tough love from Neffee, I was now on the phone with Kathy who was continuing on the same path. She knew that I had gone to that meeting in the morning and was calling to tell me, "Your time is NOW." She discouraged me from starting the business venture and told me I needed to find a manager. Everything she said supported what Neffee told me, which was that I needed to focus on my music, on my instrument, and on getting my music made. Management is the only way that can happen.
Both of these conversations came just weeks after continuous conversations with the guy that I've started dating. Once a producer of music, himself, he's been encouraging me to make more music, to focus more on creating. But the challenge of this is finding the right person (people) to create with. I've realized in the last year that I'm not normal or typical. While others focus on how they're going to pay their rent and go on vacations, I'm focused on how I can get people to listen to my music, how I can make more music, and how I can find others that want to make music with me. Music is more than a hobby to me...it's like breathing. Without it, I surely won't survive. I've realized that despite the fact that I hold two Masters degrees and plenty of professional experience, I will never live a fulfilling life without music in it on a full-time basis.
Today, I'm at a crossroads. I need to make money so that I can sustain my livelihood, but I refuse to do anything, but music. Something's gotta give.
Yesterday was the hardest day I've had in a long time. I started my morning off by going to the Sunshine Bronx Incubator in the south Bronx, which offers affordable shared office space for start-ups. In the last year, I registered KFHox as a small business in the Bronx. My vision was for KFHox to become an umbrella company covering an array of services including writing, publishing, and consulting. My success within the realm of social media in the last two years has shown me what I'm capable of. I've also really enjoyed the networking aspect of things and putting like-minded people that need one another together. It seemed like a natural transition for me to move into some kind of consulting and managing since I need to make money to keep a roof over my head. The winter's gotten much too cold to continue life in my Jeep.
I gave my elevator pitch of KFHox to Sunshine and left feeling pretty confident that this was what I needed to do to in order to take the next steps. Life post-11.11.11 has consisted of many steps in various directions searching for the next step. Once I got out of my meeting, I returned a call I had gotten from one of my former piano players, Neffee. She invited me to come over for a bit and said that we needed to talk. Instantly, I was sick to my stomach. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about and I was already feeling a bit overwhelmed by the meeting I had just walked out of, but I went because I wanted to chat and I was anxious to find out what was so important.
When I got there, she was playing my EP, "Light Shines Through Me." And while one part of me was happy that she was listening to my music, another part of me knew there was another reason that she was listening to it. She made small talk for a bit and we caught up on a few things since we had last seen each other. And then she started to talk about what we needed to talk about. She told me that she loved me as a friend and that I had a ton of natural talent. But for as talented as I am, I'm not serious about my training and maintenance of my voice. I sat in silence as she broke down the last year of my life....all the promoting and branding and social networking. She said, "You're DOING IT. You're really doing it, Kathryn." But all of this came at the cost of leaving me little to no time to actually be an artist. And while this is something I've discussed with several people over the course of the last year, it sounded different coming from someone else, especially Neffee. It's true. Without a manager or any team to speak of, I'm left to do it all alone. We talked about exercises that I need to incorporate into my daily routine and other things I can do to get my voice where it needs to be, and as our conversation was coming to an end, my phone rang.
On the other end of the phone was Kathy, the woman who helped raise me during most of my childhood. Kathy's basically like my second mother. She's saved my life in every way that a person can be saved...physically, emotionally, mentally, and beyond. She had called to talk to me about "the next step." After just having finished getting some tough love from Neffee, I was now on the phone with Kathy who was continuing on the same path. She knew that I had gone to that meeting in the morning and was calling to tell me, "Your time is NOW." She discouraged me from starting the business venture and told me I needed to find a manager. Everything she said supported what Neffee told me, which was that I needed to focus on my music, on my instrument, and on getting my music made. Management is the only way that can happen.
Both of these conversations came just weeks after continuous conversations with the guy that I've started dating. Once a producer of music, himself, he's been encouraging me to make more music, to focus more on creating. But the challenge of this is finding the right person (people) to create with. I've realized in the last year that I'm not normal or typical. While others focus on how they're going to pay their rent and go on vacations, I'm focused on how I can get people to listen to my music, how I can make more music, and how I can find others that want to make music with me. Music is more than a hobby to me...it's like breathing. Without it, I surely won't survive. I've realized that despite the fact that I hold two Masters degrees and plenty of professional experience, I will never live a fulfilling life without music in it on a full-time basis.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Birthdays, Bathrooms & Brows...
So here I sit in the lovely Disney’s Beach Club Villas Resort…no, I’m not a guest…just passing through, as it would be, to meet an old friend from acting, Jenn, who’s now a cast member at Disney. It’s a beautiful night…maybe in the high 60’s or 70’s and the only commotion is the pitter patter of little feet walking by and excited voices of children as they embark on their next Disney adventure.
I smiled as I drove in earlier, coming under the gates that read: “Welcome to Disney World: Where Dreams Come True.” It felt like a gentle nudge, as I drove underneath, to continue on my path. It’s amazing the signs of wonder that you get to be witness to if only your ears, eyes, and heart are open to receiving them.
I parked my car and got my bags together to go on a little adventure before I met Jen out for dinner. I walked out to the boardwalk and recognized it as I thought I might. Back during my time living in Florida, I had sang at a friend’s wedding over here. I sang “When I Fall in Love” as Amanda walked down the aisle at the happiest place on earth. That was the second wedding I ever sang, second only to my own sister’s wedding, and I didn’t realize the next time I came back here that I would be on the path of pursuing my dreams on a full-time basis. But I’m so thankful to be back here filled to the brim with dreams in my heart.
When I first made my way to the boardwalk, I made a pit stop in the restroom. In the stall next to me, a mother and a young daughter were going back and forth about something or another. I didn’t catch exactly what they were talking about until I heard the mother say something about the fact that she was really irritated with Disney. I listened closer to hear more about what her complaints were. She said that her daughter had never heard the word “hate” until she watched the movie, “Finding Nemo.” She went on and on about how she would have to watch every Disney movie three times forwards and backwards to ensure that didn’t happen again. I couldn’t help but sigh and realize the truth of the matter. That’s not realistic…no matter how you look at it. The mother can’t spend her whole life censoring every Disney movie to ensure they say everything right all the time. She’ll miss most of her daughter’s childhood obsessing over one word here or another there. And even if she spent the time to do that, her daughter would eventually leave the house at some point and here all the words she wants to shield her from…and then what?
While Disney presents a utopian-like atmosphere with all the things your heart and mind can imagine, once you go back under that Disney gate and enter Orlando, there’s no escaping the reality of our world. And though no one ever ensured that I didn’t hear the word “hate” growing up, I thank God that I was able to discern the fact that hate was a bad word. I’m fairly sure that woman’s daughter will be able to distinguish the same without missing out on any Disney movies.
It reminds me of a conversation that I had earlier today. I was actually just going to blog about that conversation originally, but after a short time here, I realized I had more to talk about than I had initially thought. I went to go get my eyebrows waxed by a woman who used to do them when I lived here. She’s currently working out of a different salon and is now self-employed. She’s unhappy as a business woman as she considers herself, rightfully so (especially if you saw what she did with my eyebrows…shameless plug: Helena Morton: Primp Salon, 1411 Trovillion Ave., Winter Park, FL), an artist. We discussed the pros and cons, mainly cons in her case, of being a business owner and all the responsibilities that one takes on when you go from being an employee to an employer. For me, I’m too much of a free spirit to have a boss anymore. I used to think I just had a problem with authority, but I realized it was much deeper than that, and far less angry. I’m simply too creative and have too many ideas to be constrained to the confines set forth by a manager or anyone who may have some kind of control over my work obligations. I have a relentless work ethic and I find it exhausting to try and place a value on that work ethic. Accordingly, it makes more sense to me to work for myself and, for the most part, by myself. I’ve seen the latest fruits of that labor at my EP Release Party, which was responsible for hosting about fifteen local artists and ten sponsors, all of whom I single-handedly coordinated.
Helena, on the other hand, has no problem being an employee. She wants to do what she does and not have to deal with all the extra obligations that come along with running the business (i.e. ordering supplies and keeping track of the numbers). While I am a free spirit and I like doing things myself, I can totally relate to this aspect of the dilemma, as well. While I was proud of all the work that I put into getting everything organized and prepared for 11.11.11, it left me little to no time to be an actual artist….no time for writing new material, barely any time to rehearse, and definitely no social time to relax and be inspired by life, which is where so much of my inspiration comes from. Yes, I can certainly empathize with Helena and I understand fully that it would just be easier to be an artist. Fortunately, Helena’s moving in that very direction now and should be back to doing strictly what she loves, alongside her adorable and loveable puppy, Lucky. As for me, I’m still doing it all. I’ve officially set the wheels in motion to complete a full-length album by my birthday this June.
What does any of that have to do with where we began? Well, we all have our own dreams and aspirations. For that mother, her dream is to provide her daughter with a life as perfect as she can create despite the world’s reality. For me, my dream is to become a global recording artist so that all the world may hear what it would be my honor and blessing to share. And for Helena, her dream is to help others feel and look even more beautiful by doing what she loves.
Today, December 5th, would have been Walt Disney’s birthday. I no longer believe in coincidences. I thank God to be fortunate enough to have made a stop at the happiest place on earth where dreams come true on the very day that the man who believed in dreams so much was born. I’ll leave you with this quote in honor and memory of this special man. “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” – Walt Disney
Friday, November 25, 2011
Home...errrr....Starbucks is Where the Heart Is
Another day, another Starbucks! If you know me at all, you'll know I've become accustomed to turning any given Starbucks into my very own home office of sorts. Today, I've set up shop at an Ormond Beach Starbucks in Florida. I used to frequent this particular location when I lived in the area. but I digress...as usual.
I'm here in Florida for a number of reasons. The first of which was to celebrate Thanksgiving with my extended family in Flagler Beach. Many of you met Kathy, my second mother, when you came to the EP Release Party. Thanks again to EVERYONE who came out and/ or signed in online to BXRecords.com to watch! It was such an inspiring and gratifying night to see everyone join together to celebrate local artists, local businesses, and MUSIC! It was truly the best day of my life...so far!
So now what?! Well, some of you who know me or who have been following my story know that I've been living out of my car for a little over 2 months now...hence, the reason Starbucks has become such a God send in serving as a home office! Now that I've released the EP, I'm working on getting all the legal paperwork completed to release the songs on iTunes and release the music video for "Screaming to be Free," produced by GI Joe. I need to start making money on my music soon since I can't live out of my car forever! ;)
Today, I challenged my Facebook friends to help me get 1,000 "likes" for KFHox (facebook.com/kfhox). Once I reach the thousand fan mark, I'll release the video for "Screaming to be Free" directed by Rodolfo Duran of DoneRightDigital.com online. I'm also working on some other new music that's been in the works for quite some time now. Living out of my car has made it challenging to work as quickly as I'd like to, but I'm grateful for all the support and love I've received throughout this journey!
While in Florida, I'll be visiting my old stomping grounds, Full Sail University, where I used to work as a regional admissions representative. I'm going to put the wheels in motion to get an intern to work for KFHox, which is a small business I started this year. I need to get some help with promoting my music on all the social networks I'm on and it's become increasingly challenging to wear all hats: manager, booker, promoter, writer, AND artist. I need to start sleeping more than 4-5 hours a night at some point so this may be the relief I need until I find appropriate management. It's hard to get any sleep when you're living your dream.
Why don't I already have a manager? It's not for lack of being in demand, but more for lack of finding the right "glass slipper", so to speak. I've worked tirelessly to make the progress I've made thus far and I've been approached by some good people with good intentions. However, God knows how much work I've truly put into this and to pass the torch to anyone asking would be doing an injustice to myself and everything I've sacrificed to get this far. I have faith that my "prince charming" manager is out there, but just like Cinderella, I must wait patiently for the day when my foot comfortably slides into that slipper.
Until then, I'm working hard to get my music heard by as many people as possible. I'll have more copies of the EP available when I return to New York in December for my 2 shows: Dec. 15th at Bruckner Bar & Grill, BX: Bruckner Sessions Vol. IV & Dec. 16th at Post Road Ale House, New Rochelle with John James Piteo & friends!
I'm also planning on getting some music recorded here in Florida with "Cioni Brasco," an artist you'll be hearing more about very soon! On my travels back up north, I'll be making a stop in South Carolina to work on a remix to a song by Sunni G called, "Her or The Music" and get some face time with Kelly of KellyKel Promotions, who's been working hard to promote my music regionally.
Thank you, as always, for ALL your continuous love and support. Whether you realize it or not, YOU are my survival. There are days when I feel like I might fall apart, but my faith in God and knowing that you are behind me gives me the strength, energy, and momentum I need to keep going! I hope that I can be that for you, as well! You have my word that I won't stop until I get all the way to the top! THANK YOU!!!
I'm here in Florida for a number of reasons. The first of which was to celebrate Thanksgiving with my extended family in Flagler Beach. Many of you met Kathy, my second mother, when you came to the EP Release Party. Thanks again to EVERYONE who came out and/ or signed in online to BXRecords.com to watch! It was such an inspiring and gratifying night to see everyone join together to celebrate local artists, local businesses, and MUSIC! It was truly the best day of my life...so far!
So now what?! Well, some of you who know me or who have been following my story know that I've been living out of my car for a little over 2 months now...hence, the reason Starbucks has become such a God send in serving as a home office! Now that I've released the EP, I'm working on getting all the legal paperwork completed to release the songs on iTunes and release the music video for "Screaming to be Free," produced by GI Joe. I need to start making money on my music soon since I can't live out of my car forever! ;)
Today, I challenged my Facebook friends to help me get 1,000 "likes" for KFHox (facebook.com/kfhox). Once I reach the thousand fan mark, I'll release the video for "Screaming to be Free" directed by Rodolfo Duran of DoneRightDigital.com online. I'm also working on some other new music that's been in the works for quite some time now. Living out of my car has made it challenging to work as quickly as I'd like to, but I'm grateful for all the support and love I've received throughout this journey!
While in Florida, I'll be visiting my old stomping grounds, Full Sail University, where I used to work as a regional admissions representative. I'm going to put the wheels in motion to get an intern to work for KFHox, which is a small business I started this year. I need to get some help with promoting my music on all the social networks I'm on and it's become increasingly challenging to wear all hats: manager, booker, promoter, writer, AND artist. I need to start sleeping more than 4-5 hours a night at some point so this may be the relief I need until I find appropriate management. It's hard to get any sleep when you're living your dream.
Why don't I already have a manager? It's not for lack of being in demand, but more for lack of finding the right "glass slipper", so to speak. I've worked tirelessly to make the progress I've made thus far and I've been approached by some good people with good intentions. However, God knows how much work I've truly put into this and to pass the torch to anyone asking would be doing an injustice to myself and everything I've sacrificed to get this far. I have faith that my "prince charming" manager is out there, but just like Cinderella, I must wait patiently for the day when my foot comfortably slides into that slipper.
Until then, I'm working hard to get my music heard by as many people as possible. I'll have more copies of the EP available when I return to New York in December for my 2 shows: Dec. 15th at Bruckner Bar & Grill, BX: Bruckner Sessions Vol. IV & Dec. 16th at Post Road Ale House, New Rochelle with John James Piteo & friends!
I'm also planning on getting some music recorded here in Florida with "Cioni Brasco," an artist you'll be hearing more about very soon! On my travels back up north, I'll be making a stop in South Carolina to work on a remix to a song by Sunni G called, "Her or The Music" and get some face time with Kelly of KellyKel Promotions, who's been working hard to promote my music regionally.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Living, loving, & leaving legacies
Image via WikipediaA couple weeks ago, I was parking my car and backed into a tree, which broke the entire light off my truck. My depth perception's been way off lately due to pure exhaustion. Living in a neighborhood where I came home to gun shots ringing through the air on a regular basis led me to putting all of my belongings in a storage unit lent to me by a friend from church. I've been crashing on friends' couches and trying to figure out my next step for a couple weeks. Having just taken a new job, I'm not in a financial position to move anywhere and the man who rented me the room will not give me my deposit back. This trip to Rhode Island couldn't have come at a better time. I was at my breaking point and I needed to get some perspective...and rest.
This trip was pre-destined as I had a family reunion to attend here. I had pushed really hard for us to re-unite this year. My Aunt Peggy used to do a lot of the organization for it, but since she and my uncle passed, we hadn't been as organized at putting it together. This past Easter, I talked to one of my cousins about planning our reunion and offered whatever help I could in getting it back as an annual event. I got a text from her shortly after and I guess my response, as brief as it was, was enough to inspire an email and getting the wheels in motion to reserve a spot at Goddard Park, where we always had them in the past. I followed her lead and created a Facebook invitation to reach out to other members of the family that may not have received the email. We were on our way to continue the legacy, which began with her mother.
Just as I felt like I might go insane from worrying about where I was going to sleep and how I was going to make my life work in New York, it was time to come home to my family reunion...which I was late for. My cousin and I joked when I arrived about me being late since I was the one who had pushed so hard for it to happen. Man, it felt good to laugh. It also felt amazing to be surrounded by my family, who have been watching my journey on Facebook and I realized how tremendously supportive they are and how much they believe in me. I couldn't bare to tell them the truth about what was going on back with my living situation.
I told one of my cousins, the one whom I've confided in before. And the only reason I really told her was so that I could ask for her to pray for me. I'm not holding my hand out to anyone to beg for help or look for an easy way out. Nothing worth having or doing is ever easy. I accept that truth and I embrace the challenges I have faced and continue to face. They have built me to be the strong young woman I am proud to be today. It's part of my legacy.
While I was home, I stayed with my brother (though not a brother by blood, he's as much my family as any one of my blood relatives). My first night there, I played music with him in his jam room. It felt good to get on the drums and bang out some of my confusion, frustration, and exhaustion....so good that I passed out in his jam room. I woke up at 6 a.m. alone in the jam room and walked to my car so I could get a decent kind of rest in a bed at his house. As I walked out, I realized my car had been hit. I was too tired to really react to it. Reacting to it changed nothing anyway.
I went to his house and got some rest. When I woke up, I told him what happened. Without a second thought, he responded with, "Oh, that was me." I had to laugh. I was so grateful that he was the one who had done it because I wouldn't be mad at him and at least I had someone to blame if I really wanted to. he offered to put it through his insurance, but I shrugged it off and told him I had more important things to deal with than my bumper. If nothing else, my life's trials and tribulations have taught me perspective...something I'm grateful to add to my legacy.
I went to my parents' house and showed my father my light. Upon inspection, it was decided I needed to replace the entire light encasement. I had been pulled over 2 days in a row prior to arriving in RI and I couldn't return with the light the way it was. I had already gotten a ticket for the tint on my front windows the first time I was pulled over. My father and I peeled the tint off my window and he ordered me a new light through a local salvage yard. And he told me he would pay for the light. If you know anything about my father, he's not one to volunteer to pay for anything. One of his most common sayings growing up was, "If you girls didn't have your mother, you'd get NOTHING from me." Sounds harsh, but if you knew my dad, you'd just laugh when you heard him say it.
My dad's a good man with a heart of gold, a cancer survivor, who gave most of his life to the telephone company. He worked tirelessly as we were growing up, taking any overtime he could. Having three daughters wasn't cheap and my mother's mental illness took a toll on family's finances for the better part of my life. He was always trying to catch up and/ or stay afloat. That is part of his legacy.
My mother got involved with ordering the light, too. She made sure I wrote down my VIN number and all the info about my truck so they'd have it ready when they ordered it. My mother is a remarkable woman, so quiet now and slow with her motions. She's endured more than most 10 people off the street. She's suffered from manic-depression my entire life, in and out of mental hospitals for most of my childhood. She's survived breast cancer after a misdiagnosis and been diagnosed with diverticulitis and colitis. Last year she had a hip replacement, whose surgery spiraled a manic episode and then got re-admitted after finally making her way to rehab because her wound opened. My mother seems to be a walking study of Murphy's Law....but she has survived it all. She may not be the loud and boisterous woman she was once known for, but I thank God she's alive.
This morning I went to visit my Gram, my grandmother on my father's side and my only living grandparent. I do my best to pay her a visit every time I'm home. At 90 years old, she looks and sounds amazing. I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to play her my music. She may never see the day (if) I walk down an aisle or have any children, but I'm so grateful to God that she's alive to hear the music I've given birth to and to watch my boldly follow my dreams. We sat and talked about my grandfather, an amazing artist, my great uncle, whom I've never had the pleasure of meeting, and the Hoxie's, my uncle's family, in California. My Pa, as I affectionately called my grandfather, was left an orphan, but spent much of his life tracing his lineage despite being abandoned by his father. My grandfather understood the importance of legacy and certainly left an impressionable one as a loving husband, a caring grandfather, a cheerful neighbor, a talented artist, and so much more.
I left the nursing home once I walked my grandmother down to lunch. She's always so proud to introduce her granddaughter from NEW YORK! I love the pride she has as she introduces me to her friends and I'm glad I didn't mention not having a place to live during our visit. Before I left, I told her I'd have a music video to show her the next time I came to visit, kissed her goodbye, and choked back tears until I reached the front door.
From there, I drove to the memorial plot of my friend, Tim Lyons. If you're not familiar with who Tim is, you can read more about his life and legacy in one of my past blogs (Forever Young). Tim's life was tragically cut short by a drunk driver when were in 8th grade. During this trip home, I also visited our junior high to talk to the principal about replacing the tree that had been planted in his memory the year it happened. The junior high went under major renovations last year and Tim's tree was ripped up as a result. I'm working hard to ensure that Tim's legacy lives on and I have a few friends working to ensure this happens.
Just as I got in my car from visiting Tim's memorial, I got on my Blackberry and posted a picture of the plaque that still stands in the place where he was struck. As I scrolled down my news feed, I saw a post from my college roommate, one of my very best friends. Her grandmother had just passed away, only 1 year from when her father, a firefighter and first responder for 9/11 had passed away(See Sun Showers, another past blog, to learn more about her father's legacy). Tears streamed down my face as I realized the year she had faced. I was glad that her grandmother was alive to see her get engaged, but saddened at the notion that both her father and grandmother would be absent from the wedding. And again, I was reminded to put my life into perspective.
As the clock ticks, I'm trying to patiently wait for the phone call saying that my light is ready to pick up so that I can get on the road and back to New York. I have to get back to make it to band rehearsal and face my reality...a reality that is so daunting sometimes that I barely know where to begin. But I'm strong and I will persevere through all of it. I can't wait to overcome all of these challenges and continue to pursue my dream. I will keep on keepin' on. And I will write to tell you of my triumph over all of this. And that is my legacy.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Day The Music Died
Today I write with a heavy heart. On this day, Saturday, July 23, 2001, one of my musical heroes died. Amy Winehouse, at the young age of 27, has left us tragically...leaving only a portion of the body of work that she would have inevitably created. Her life, riddled with abuse and addiction, has come to an end...and with it, so has her music.
Many people judged Ms. Winehouse on her alcohol and drug induced behavior. Personally, I do my best to not judge anyone. You never know the battles people are facing behind closed doors. As the daughter of a recovering alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother, I certainly can relate to the challenges one can face. For that reason, I'll speak no further on this great talent's personal problems since I, myself, am not privy to what her reality was and because I can certainly empathize with the complications of addiction and depression.
I will, however, honor her memory and legacy by continuing to listen to her music and remembering the mark she made on my musical heart. Musically, Amy Winehouse, touched my heart in a way that no other artist ever has...she sang songs I wanted to sing. I remember the first time I heard her and thinking THAT'S IT! That's the sound I've been looking for. Like many legends in the past, Amy Winehouse has opened a door, one that I would be blessed and honored to walk through. I pray for an opportunity to live out her legacy with my own music and pay homage to an old soul with a short life. May you rest in peace, Amy. My tears will dry on their own.
Many people judged Ms. Winehouse on her alcohol and drug induced behavior. Personally, I do my best to not judge anyone. You never know the battles people are facing behind closed doors. As the daughter of a recovering alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother, I certainly can relate to the challenges one can face. For that reason, I'll speak no further on this great talent's personal problems since I, myself, am not privy to what her reality was and because I can certainly empathize with the complications of addiction and depression.
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