What happens while you're busy making other plans

Friday, July 6, 2012

"Down With Brown:" A Response To Elevated Scott

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:") - Bob Marley
Actually, that's not how my morning started. I woke up to a tweet, though not of the bird-type, from @Elv8scott, the founder of Official Global Attack Mixtape Series. It's the morning after my deadline for "Grammy Bound With You" and I'm feeling a little bittersweet already. Though I didn't reach my goal of $65,000, I did receive over $2,400 in donations through the site and even more in cash/ check donations. I woke up feeling grateful and anxious to take the next steps towards my dream.
Before I even got up to brush my teeth, I looked at my phone and found the following tweet from "Elevated Scott,"

‏@ELv8scott

@KFHox You do realize average record label spends about 250,000 dollars behind a record to push for a Grammy. #justsayin#wishfulthinking

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It was a low blow to receive as the first thing to look at the day after making some great strides towards my dream. I sat there for a moment, wiping the sleep from my eye, thinking of the best way to respond...or if I should respond at all. For the sake of time, I'll leave out the commentary for now and just re-trace the conversation as it took place:

‏@ELv8scott

@KFHox HAHAHAHAHAHAAH YOU HAVE ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS DONT YOU?

‏@KFHox

@ELv8scott I don't have all the right answers, but I'm willing to make mistakes till I get to them.

‏@ELv8scott

@KFHox hahahah

And I guess he must have deleted the conversation since I can't pull it up on twitter, but luckily I took a screen shot of the conversation so I have it documented:

@ELv8scott: @KFHox well ur gonna be stuck in that box until u surround yourself w the right ppl and not ppl just attempting to go through the motions

‏@KFHox

@ELv8scott Again, thanks for the info. I agree, but understand I'm not "stuck" around anyone. I choose the people I surround myself with.

@ELv8scott: DOWN WIT BROWN ALL DAY SE HOW FAR THOSE PPL GET YOU*
(*the spelling errors are his, copied verbatim from his tweet)

I'm not a woman who's easily taken out of character, but this last tweet pushed me over the edge. As Kanye once notably said, "Racism's still alive, they just be concealin' it." And by deleting his tweets, this is @ELv8scott's way of concealing his BLATANT racism.
As an independent, up-and-coming artist, I understand that my response to this does not come without repercussions, but I know who I am, what I represent, WHO I represent, and what I want to do with my platform within the music industry. For this reason, I am COMPELLED to respond to these tweets and spread the word about @ELv8scott's position on "Brown People," as he would refer to them.
Truth be told. this is NOT my first interaction with him, that has echoed these RACIST undertones. It started back in April after I met him and his GIRLFRIEND at an event he invited me to in the city. I attended, along with the director of my video, Rodolfo Duran and his assistant, Sha-la Hollis, of DoneRightDigital.com, very talented young men making strides themselves within the production side of the entertainment industry. Shortly after meeting him in person for the first time, along with his girlfriend, I received the following correspondence via Facebook:

- April 27
  Elevated Scott
  we should hangout sometime soon...
April 27
Kathryn F Hoxie
I'm in OD grind mode, but definitely keep me posted. Would love to link up and talk shop. As I told you before, I'm always up to support your movement. I stand behind your grind and your dedication to help artists on their path. You'll surely be blessed by all that you're doing.
April 27
Elevated Scott
yea im talking more personal than biz

but either or would be great
April 27
Kathryn F Hoxie
To be honest, I'm 100% business at this point. The task at hand allows for nothing less, but I'm flattered and I'm definitely down to help however I can.
April 27
Elevated Scott
no doubt

April 27
Elevated Scott
Well keep doing your thing

It seemed like it was no big deal and that he respected the fact that I'm working day and night to make things happen for myself. I didn't bother to ask about his girlfriend that he introduced me to at this his event, www.mixtapeseries.com Launch Party.
A short while later, I started receiving tweets (PUBLIC tweets, not DM's) that began to demonstrate his feelings about me being "Down With Brown:"

‏@ELv8scott

I have figured it out. @KFHox will not entertain a date cause shes only dates black dudes? lol jk

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‏@KFHox

@ELv8scott I don't base relationships on color. I believe in one race...the #human race. I base relationships on character and chemistry.

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‏@ELv8scott

@KFHox hahaha no doubt

View conversation

‏@ELv8scott

@KFHox So i guess that answered that question pretty clear...#downwithbrown

View conversation

26 Jun

‏@KFHox

@ELv8scott you missed the point.

View conversation

Reply

el

I had originally brushed off this past correspondence as I figured it was attributed to a bruised male ego. I let it go in hopes that it was nothing more than that, but even as I received those tweets, I could feel myself growing tense and uncomfortable about the correspondence between us. I figured, if anything, the tweets were public so if anyone questioned where I stood, the proof was right there in plain sight. But now today, as I re-trace our conversations and look for the documentation, I realize that he second-guessed his words...words that he PUBLICLY tweeted to all 57,218 of his Twitter followers...that have since been deleted.

Understand the great significance of his stance on RACE within his position in the music industry. He is the FOUNDER of Global Attack Mix Tapes. When you think about the irony of his stance on race in dichotomy with his business in music, it's ASTOUNDING. The same MAJORITY of people who are featured ON his mixtapes and download/ purchase his products are the same demographic that he is putting down in his tweets to me!

I learned something important from the legendary HIV/ AIDS activist, Maria Davis ("Cant' Be Silenced"), who re-affirms my notion that as an artist (and any person with any kind of notoriety or celebrity for that matter), has an OPPORTUNITY and RESPONSIBILITY to say something...something important, something positive. As up-and-coming leaders in the music industry, it's our BLESSING to be in a position to have a platform. Today, I'm using my platform to say that RACISM is WRONG...it is not and will not be tolerated by me or anyone that's part of my movement. I believe that we can all do much more together than we can on our own and that creating divisions in people only brings us further apart. One of the main reasons I want to make it in music industry so badly and work towards it relentlessly everyday is because I recognize the opportunity that music creates. I want to do the most amount of good with my time here on earth and music is my vehicle to do that. I want to UNIFY people with music and music is the only thing in the world that truly has that capability like nothing else really does.

So when someone steps to me about being "Down With Brown," I MUST respond in like by saying that I'm down with EVERYONE regardless of race, creed, age, income...whatever...we are BORN this way and I am unapologetic about the color of my skin or anyone else's. At the end of the day, we all breathe the same air, walk the same earth, and no one makes it out alive. I walk by faith everyday as I fight to make a name for myself and my music and I refuse to be silenced about the people who support me, love me, encourage me, and help me get to the place where they believe I belong, which is all the way at the top in the music industry. My dream is no longer about me anymore...I owe it to every single person that has joined me on my journey...and ‏can see where those people get me. *kfh ox*

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Training for the Circus!

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages and KATIE HOXIIIIIEEEEEE!!! Growing up, I loved the circus, especially the beginning of the night when the spotlights would be circling all around the whole arena. I would excitedly scream my personal addition to the ringmaster's greeting, inserting my name in my loudest and most ringmaster-y voice, and clap in anxious anticipation of the sights and sounds of the all the animals, clowns, and awe-inspiring trapeze artists! Those times at the circus are some of my most fun and memorable childhood memories. Sometimes as I'm being introduced to get on the stage, I'm brought back to those days...only instead of my name being announced as only part of my wild imagination, now it's real, and they really are clapping for me...just like it had always played over in my head time and time again.

Walking around all of New York City and Weschester County the last few days as I pound the pavement to spread the word about my IndieGoGo campaign and my music, I had a few other childhood memories flash into my brain. As I was selling one of my CD's to a friendly cabbie by the name of Joe Johnson yesterday, my phone went off with email notifications that my childhood friend, Kristen Legge, had donated to my IndieGoGo campaign. I smiled as I read the notification and realized that she was taking time to invest in my dream on her birthday! I had called her earlier in the day to sing her happy birthday and thank her for all her support. Her thanks to me was an encouraging and thankful text message and a contribution to my latest project.

I smiled again as I thought back on the day that Kristen had once served as my personal camera (wo)man taping my audition tape for Star Search when we were kids. Here we were so many years later and Kristen was still standing behind my dream, cheering me on, and playing an integral role in helping make my dream a reality. Kristen's been an amazing friend over the years despite the time and distance between us. She's more family than friend to be honest, a sister in the truest sense of the word, at least as far as my definition is concerned.

Around probably the same time, while Kristen was helping me propel into stardom from a stool set up in my parents' dining room, I had also convinced some neighborhood kids that we should put our own circus together. As you can tell from what I've mentioned, I sure did love the circus! I had loosely put together the logistics and a business plan to put our circus act together. I remember walking around the neighborhood with my next door neighbor, Evann. We went door to door and and sold tickets to this amazing fantasy I had put together in my brain. How we were going to implement the the fantastical show I had put together was a thought for another day.

I've always had BIG dreams. Every memory I have as a child, there was a stirring inside me. I grew up in East Greenwich, Rhode Island, one of the smallest towns in the smallest state in the country. I had always just kind of attributed my dreams of breaking out and making it big to growing up in a small town. But when I moved to New York back when I graduated high school, it felt like I had met my match...finally a place that was as big as my dreams! After graduating from Iona College, I moved to Florida for what I thought would be a short-term temporary move. Though my time in Florida lasted longer than I anticipated, it was full of wonderful people and experiences, including an audition for American Idol that I never thought I wanted and a lesson from that experience that would serve me well long after the fact. But that's a story for another day, perhaps one day soon...but I digress.

As I walked around selling my CD's and promoting my music yesterday, I was grateful that I had all these great experiences from going to the circus to planning one...it all felt like training for every step I took yesterday and everyday that I relentlessly pursue my dream! Look out, the circus is definitely coming to a town near you soon! As I enter the final 31 hours of my campaign, "Grammy Bound With You," I feel a sense of gratitude for all the experiences and people that led me to be sitting here talking to you about my childhood dreams! Let it be a reminder of the magic of youthful wonder, the endless possibilities, the excitement instilled in our hearts from our dreams, and the importance of keeping your heart, ears, eyes, and mind open to all that life is waiting for you to unfold!

If you're interested in making my childhood dream come true, please consider investing a few dollars to my project! www.indiegogo.com/grammybound

Friday, June 22, 2012

Grammy Bound With YOU!

14 days left to contribute to my campaign. As the days dwindle down, it's been harder and harder to keep my energy up. I've had several shows this month and it seems as though exhaustion has start to set in.

Whether you know it or not, I do this all alone. While I've had many people join me on this journey...and I'm eternally grateful for all your support and love...the day-in and day-out of my grind is solitary. I try to cram as much into 24 hours as humanly possible, take a nap, then do it all over again.
While I LOVE what I do, as an independent artist, I do it all...well, independently. When you're at this level, you have no real money to pay people and it's hard to get a team behind you when you're not bringing them any real income...YET.
This part of the journey is hard...more than hard...it's exhausting and many times thankless. But in this part of the journey, it's what determines who's really in it to win it. And I'm in it for the long haul.
As I write to you today, I'm overdrawn on my bank account and used the money from my outdoor performance for Make Music New York to put a few more dollars of gas in my car so I can make it to my next show.
I just need you to know that although I maintain a positive spirit throughout all of this, I'm human. I cry almost everyday fighting through this struggle, persisting despite the odds, and knowing that my blessings are waiting for me on the other side of my tears, pain, and struggle. My faith allows me to believe that my efforts are not in vain. Though I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I work hard EVERYDAY to ensure I am hand-crafting my future.
The money you donate will not go towards putting gas in my car or putting a roof over my head. I do odd jobs, cell CD's, work Weight Watchers meetings, and do anything I can to bring in income to survive while relentlessly chasing my dream. The money you donate will go directly towards my dream...an INVESTMENT towards my future.
If you know me, you know I work hard. I give 110% to everything I do ESPECIALLY my music. I promise to give you a return on your investment...great music from the heart! Please help me make this happen. It means everything and I'll give everything it takes. Please consider becoming part of my living legacy by donating a few dollars to my dream and joining me on my journey all the way to the top.

Eleanor Roosevelt has been quoted as saying, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." I believe in the beauty of my dream. If you believe in it, too, please support my mission, my music...my destiny. Thank you, as always, for all your love, support, prayers, encouragement, and faith. It's my survival.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Dare to be Different: Dare to be YOU!

For my whole life, I've been different. I realized it at a very young age. I always felt like I had an old soul...listening to The Beatles and wearing bell-bottom pants before they came back into style to my band concerts where I was the only girl drummer.
I never did things to be different on purpose...it was just who I was. Lord knows, things might have been easier if I could have blended in a little more, especially during junior high and high school when kids can be so cruel.
Because of some of the challenges that being so different created, I ultimately almost ended up dropping out of high school, but ended up transferring to another high school and attending a vocational program for graphic and advertising design. This transfer was intended to make my life easier, but because of the poor perception and stigma attached to the vocational program, I found myself living a double-life...pretending I wasn't a vo-tech student and hiding underneath desks if, God forbid, one of the "regular" high school kids came into our classroom.
I found more of the same throughout college, but started to be more accepted since I had moved to New York and could have a bit of a fresh start. I got involved with campus ministries, the folk choir and gospel choir at Iona College, where I got my BA in political science and pre-law. I had gotten that degree because my mom had always wanted me to be a lawyer and I had always wanted her happiness and approval.
After graduation, I seized an opportunity to move to FL with the woman that had helped raise me, a woman I consider to be a true guardian angel. It was supposed to be a 3-month break, but turned into years as life unfolded while I was there. I still pursued my music while down south, auditioning for American Idol, singing at local contests, and writing. I also found another opportunity for a fresh start and stopped correcting people when they asked if I went by anything other than Kathryn at job interviews, etc. Everyone had always called me Katie growing up and I never really felt like a Katie. This was my chance to be Kathryn, the young lady I always felt like.
I also took the LSATS and was working for a law firm as I was still trying to get my mother's approval and happiness even from so many miles away. I had asked the attorney I was working for at the time for a letter of recommendation. One day he pulled me into his office and told me to sit down. He started to talk to me about the letter he was going to write. He told me that he was more than happy to write the letter, that I'd be great at anything I chose to do with my life because I was intelligent and hard-working. But he also told me to think about it before I chose that path. He had seen me audition for American Idol, design a nursery for another lawyer in the office, and design a few things for people in his family. He told me that he thought I might be stifled in the legal profession since I was so creative. He was like a father-figure to me during my time in Florida and his opinion and words weighed heavy on my heart.
I was at a cross-roads. I was blessed to have the book smarts and determination to get through law school, but I was also blessed to have a creative mind that could create in both video and audio settings.
I took some time and ultimately decided to go for my MBA instead since it was a broader degree. I've always been terrible with numbers/ math and I decided if I could get through an MBA, I could do ANYTHING! I had also convinced myself that if I came back to New York, the MBA would help me further my music career.
I'm leaving out a tremendous amount of details for the sake of time here, but the moral of the story is that ultimately, I picked the hard way...and although this journey has been incredibly challenging at times, it has been authentically ME!
As I stand before you today in relentless pursuit of my dream, I can proudly tell you that I'm different. My fashion sense is different. My my musical style is different. My journey is very different. But in being so different, I feel more like myself than I ever have in my whole life. While I always thought it was some kind of curse to be different, I now understand the amazing blessing of being myself in a real way. I continue to be inspired by the people who are inspired by my journey and the fact that I'm ME with no apologies.
I thank God to have finally gotten to this point and I'm eternally grateful to have you with me on this journey!

And if may I take this opportunity just to say that being different may not always be the easy way, but in the end, there is no other way to find out who YOU are! Here's to being different!
My DREAM is a huge part of who I am...find out how you can support my dream by checking it out here:
http://www.indiegogo.com/grammybound

Friday, April 6, 2012

High Fashion: Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

Back in my little hometown of East Greenwich, RI, I sit here thinking. It's usually on these occasions when I'm home that I have a little more free time than I do while I'm back in New York in my usual grind mode trying to squeeze more hours into the day than what actually exist. I've been working overtime lately to get my music heard in as many places as possible. I've been joined recently by new supporters and fans, and sponsors looking to get on board with the movement I've begun to create with my music. I consider myself abundantly blessed. Everyday I wake up and I move towards the direction of my dreams. There is not a day that goes by that I'm not proactively working towards making my dreams come into fruition. I'm relentless in my pursuit with no signs of slowing down.
I performed at New Rochelle Jazz Festival a couple weeks ago. A friend and one of my biggest fans, Jo Porty, had stopped by the show and told me to come by Post Road Ale House where she had booked another singer/ song writer, Jason Gisser. At the Jazz Fest, I had a great time performing some original tunes to my backing tracks then took the stage with The Brian Carter Trio to perform "Fever," one of my all time favorites to sing. When the show ended, I found myself sitting at the bar at Post Road Ale House sipping on club soda, trying to find the energy to stick around for a bit to enjoy the great sounds of Jason. Despite the fact I really enjoyed his music, I was bordering on exhaustion. I've been averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep and it was starting to catch up with me.

Jo introduced my to a lively girl at the bar, Joy K, whose energy and enthusiasm were initially overwhelming in my dreary state. She's also a singer/ song writer, as well as a cancer survivor and mother. I went up and sang "Back With You" with Jason who was so gracious to let me take a few minutes of his gig to perform my music. After I sang, I sat back down and chatted more with Joy, who was still full of all the energy I was trying to find within myself that night. She told me about her battle with cancer and her background in music.
Eventually and inevitably, our conversation transitioned into matters of faith. Joy is Wiccan and started to share with me some of what that means. She also began to share with me some words of inspiration about my musical journey. She advised me that I'm going to make it and to not give up...something I really needed to hear on that particularly exhausting day. She also shared with me the importance of being transparent about my journey...more specifically, to wear my heart of my sleeve. I listened as tears ran down my face.
As most of you already know, I'm a positive person. Despite any challenges, I focus on the good and find the blessings in every situation. After living out of my car for four months, that was a large part of how I survived and overcame that situation. I believe that being happy and positive is a choice that we make everyday.
So I find myself once again in Rhode Island, sitting in a Starbucks that I only knew as a bank growing up here in East Greenwich. I sit in this bank-turned-coffee-shop and realize all the changes that have taken place since I once lived here over 10 years ago. Last night I got into one of the only arguments I've ever gotten into with my brother. Our argument was about my dream and about my objectives in living out my dream.
But to get into why this argument happened in the first place, I find it necessary to give you further background. I recently got a phone call from my father telling me that my parents were being forced to sell their home, the home my parents have lived in my entire life. My father stayed on the phone with me and proceeded to tell me, "I'm f@*ked. I've worked 70 hours a week, holidays, weekends, and overtime and now I have nothing to show for it. I can't even afford buy another house after we sell it." To clarify, my mother is a manic depressive who has created many financial obstacles due to her mental illness. In all fairness, I've done my fair share of contributing to the financial issues of my family, needing help with student loan payments and car insurance since I'm not working a traditional job with a steady income. I sat there on the phone with my father and pleaded with him to stay positive and believe in my dream, believe in all the hard work I'm putting into this, and believe that I'm going to be able to repay my family for all they've helped me with throughout the years.
Going back to the argument that I had with my brother last night, I was telling him about everything I have going on in New York and how I can feel the momentum building. I told him that I just prayed that I would have a breakthrough soon so I could help my parents. This is where the breaking point came. He told me that as an artist, I should EXPECT to be broke for the rest of my life and to not live to help my parents, or anyone else for that matter. I was livid and standing there defending something I have given everything inside me to make happen.I stood there with tears streaming down my face...not because I was sad or had given up hope in my dream, but because I realized how misunderstood I am by the people who I'm closest to.
Most of my immediate family can not even fathom the dream I have in my heart. I realized there are strangers that have known me for 5 minutes that have more faith in my dream than my own family. It's a hard pill to swallow. This journey is already a relatively lonely one...and that's before the realization that your family isn't really on board.

I sit here in my hometown, one of the smallest towns in the smallest state in the country, and realize that my responsibility is great, my dream is giant, and my work ethic is the only thing that's bigger than even both of these. I know this and believe this...even if no one else does. And while yes, my dream is for me, first and foremost, it is also for my family and for everyone who has been with me on this journey. I have inspired others in this pursuit and countless others have inspired and motivated me. This has become so much bigger than just me. This is for you...so that you know you can do anything you set your mind and heart to with enough hard work and dedication.
If you've seen pictures of me performing, you know I'm usually wearing a dress or a skirt and a pair of stilettos. Today, I also add to my style a new fashion statement...my heart on my sleeve.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

On My Own

17 years. It's hard to even wrap my brain around the amount of time that's passed since Tim died. It seems like only yesterday and a million years ago...all at once. One thing's for sure though...today, the pain seems more substantial than ever before. Maybe each year that passes, I feel like this. But there's something almost tangible about the pain this year. Maybe it's because I'm getting closer and closer to the realization of my dream. Perhaps that realization makes me even more sad at the fact that Tim's not here to cheer me on...or maybe he would have been playing guitar with me.

Though I sit here today "on my own," a reference to the song I sang in Tim's memory back in 8th grade when he died, I know I'm never really alone. I carry Tim's spirit with me as I travel on this journey. My journey is filled with countless people, places, lots of music, and not much sleep. God's equipped me to deal with all the hardships that come along with this adventure, which can be so hard at times. But aside from the joy that music brings me and the satisfaction of seeing my hard work produce results, I have Tim's memory and legacy to keep me going.

I know that Tim is one of my angels, one of my guiding forces. For when it seems too hard to go on, I realize that I MUST continue...if for no other reason than I'm alive to do so. It's so much more than that now, but I know that I have this great responsibility to do what God has built me to do with my time here. I'm taking time today to sit and meditate on the life and gifts I have been blessed with, to celebrate Tim's life and legacy, and to thank God for blessing me with a clear path in life, a path which I know I will never be "on my own" for as long as I have my ears, eyes, and heart open to all the angels God has surrounded me with. I miss you, Tim, but you will never be forgotten. I carry you with me always just as you carry my spirit when it's hanging in the balance. You are a true friend and a very real angel. You are missed, but never forgotten.