New Year's Resolutions

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Well, happy new year to you! I hope that 2011 has proven to be your best year yet! With only 25 days into the month...and year, perhaps it may be too soon to tell. For me personally, I'm finding it to be my favorite year, with 2010 falling closely behind in 2nd place. I'm a firm believer in everything having its time and season. With all the changes in my life taking place in the last year or two, I rarely sat back and questioned why things were changing so much, but simply embraced those changes and did my best to make the best of whatever came to be.

I come into this blog post with my brain all over the place...part of me wants to recount some of the events of NYE that led me into such a new perspective on the new year...another part of me wants to talk about new year's resolutions and how the decisions I made over the last year make figuring out new resolutions a bit harder than ever....and another part of me wants to talk about my upcoming plans. As I write this, I have 4 windows open on my computer, a book open on my lap, and my phone at arm's reach. If I felt like I needed to clone myself before, things have seriously reached a whole new level of multi-tasking...but I digress. Shocking, I know.

I guess I'm going to make my first blog post of January...and 2011...short and sweet. This is the first time I'm writing because I had to disconnect in order to connect. A lot less facebook, no blogging...just living. It's good for the soul. I highly recommend it as a new year's resolution if you're still trying to make one.

I Need a Hero

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So here we are in the final days of 2010. I hope this year has brought about something good in your life, perhaps something even great! I'm experiencing a bit of writer's block with my music right now so I figured I'd keep the writing juices flowing, but take a step of way from lyrics for a bit to hopefully find some new inspiration. 

As I reflect on this year, it's hard to believe how much has happened...for the good and the bad. The best part of my year by far has been setting the wheels in motion to pursue my acting and singing career...with some writing and modeling in between. It's amazing what you're capable of doing if you stop thinking about what to do....and just do it. I guess Nike was onto something there. 

As for the bad part of my year...is it better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all? Well, I think so...for the most part. After writing so much about love this year, I feel like it's only appropriate that I should close out the year with some kind of reflection on it. You've heard about me falling in love, falling out of love, and my version of going green...a recycling of exes. It's dawned on me that in 2011, I want to meet Captain Planet...not that Captain Planet.

If I look at each one of my exes, I realize that each of them offers something great and unique about themselves. However, each one of them offers at least one or more characteristic which will simply not allow things to work out in the long term. Accordingly, if I could take the good characteristics from each of them to form a totally, perfect, compatible person for me, I could have the best of everything. Individually, they're not going to work out, but if I combined their forces, I just might find happiness in a relationship, ya know...like Captain Planet. And if not, there's always He-Man...I mean, how can you go wrong with the most powerful man of the universe? 

I'll Be Home for Christmas

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It's Christmas day...and I'm in NYC, away from family and friends...but home. You may wonder why I've chosen to spend this special day by myself in such a big city. Part of me feels that I owe no explanation for wanting a little peace and quiet during this holiday, but another part of me feels compelled to share my reason for wanting to be where I am...even though it's home.

I came very close to opting out of Christmas this year all together...not the essence of the holiday, but the traveling portion of events. It's not that I don't love to see my family and friends during this time, but traveling alone year after year takes its toll and can sometimes feel like more of a task than anything else. I'm always glad that I made the trip once I'm with my family, but in the midst of making the drive back and forth, many times I just wish that they were all coming to see me for once.

Instead of skipping all the traveling this year, I decided to spend the time with my family that I wanted to without compromising all of myself...and still leaving Christmas day as a day to myself. It's something I've never done...and many times, did not have the option of doing.

I woke up this morning and took my time getting out of bed. With nowhere to be, I was tempted to just stay home and fall in and out of sleep, but I realized the significance of the day and wouldn't allow myself to let this day go by without some kind of reflection....and without doing something at least relatively productive. I got in my car and made my way onto the West Side Highway. I drove into the city without a specific destination in mind...except for a pit stop to Starbucks and a visit to one of my favorite churches, Riverside Church. I drove around taking in some of the last seasonal sights of the holiday season. I love the city every time of year, but there's something extra magical about New York City during Christmas time....which got me thinking.

I realized today, on the celebration of the day of Jesus' birth, that being in NYC is where I feel most connected to God. You may wonder why a hectic place like the city would make me feel closer to God. I suppose much of it is based on my own personal love of city life and aquatic scenes....Manhattan is the best of two of my very favorite things: the city and the water. The concrete jungle set juxtapose to the Hudson River reminds me of God's presence. The man-made structures somehow seem to fit perfectly against the backdrop of some of God's most beautiful creations. As humans, we are capable of making amazing, awe-inspiring structures. As incredible as they are, they're made that much more beautiful set against the structures and creations that only God can create. No matter how much technology comes along or how many buildings are constructed over the years, there is something about nature....the water and trees and the wind that blows....that reminds you that while, yes, man has come so far and created so much. But God, God has created man. And without God, we'd never know the beauty of any of this. Today I thank God for allowing me to have so many loved ones in my life, but I'm glad to celebrate being home for Christmas...and not just in my dreams.

Taking the X Out of Christmas: II

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I had originally included this as part of the first blog post regarding my rantings about replacing the word Christ with an X in Christmas, but I thought it would be a little inappropriate to follow that up with something as silly as talking about my exes...so here we are at the sequel...a separate, but indirectly related notion of taking the X out of Christmas...or in this case, the ex.

During a recent trip to Buffalo with an ex, I realized that there is really nothing left between us...nothing may be too strong of a word. We do have friendship left, but friendship is the only aspect of "us' that remains. When he had originally asked me to take the trip with him, I was flattered and thought that maybe this would be the breakthrough we needed to figure things out. By the time he dropped me off at my house, I realized this WAS the breakthrough I needed...to finally walk away. Nothing bad or earth-shattering happened during our fourteen hour road trip...no fighting, no accidents- nothing. It was in this nothingness that I realized that while he's one of my favorite people to watch basketball with or sometimes catch a movie with, that's all it is...friendship. I don't wait by the phone for him to call me. I don't care if I go through the week without seeing him. And I definitely don't have any plans of buying him a Christmas present. This year, I'm taking the ex out of Christmas...and the X.

Taking the X out of Christmas

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I was initially writing this post about my general bewilderment regarding people taking "Christ" out of Christmas and replacing it with an "X," but I realized I could go in two different directions with this. But since that was my first idea, I'm going to run with that for a bit.

I go through this every year around this time....when people are diligently updating their Facebook statuses with Christmas news, plans, lists, etc. I've even had my own Facebook statutes about this very subject because I'll never understand it. Is it not bad enough that the media, advertisers, and marketers have made the holiday season more about someTHING than someONE? What kind of deals can I get? How many people do I have to buy presents for? Do people really forget what CHRISTmas is about? If you take out the Christ in Christmas...all you have is "mas"....more, more, more...excessive things...but less in terms of the true essence of Christmas. It seems that people only perpetuate this notion of thing-ness, if I may coin a word, by using the term X-mas. And why isn't Hanukkah shortened at all...or Kwanza? Where's the consistency? Ok, that's my tangent on that subject. I feel better now...until the next time I see someone writing X-mas. Happy Holidays!

Spandex= Accountability?

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So I'm apparently on a roll with less than inspirational blogs lately, but what are ya gonna do? Anywho...I was recently having a conversation with someone regarding my wardrobe options at the gym. If you know me then you know that I'm a pretty coordinated person...color-wise. My sneakers match my pants, which match my shirt, etc...This is true in and outside of the gym. Aside from the color aspect of my gym wardrobe, I wear mainly spandex. I wear spandex for a few reasons...the main reason is because it's the easiest to move around in. Don't get me wrong, I love sweatpants...but they're not always the best to maneuver around at the gym and they get too dang hot. I reserve sweatpants for every other hour of the day...at least when I can get away with it.

But the other reason I wear spandex is because they offer some aspect of accountability. It takes a certain level of confidence...and shape...to wear spandex (at least in terms of pulling it off). So I know that if I want to keep being able to wear spandex, I have to keep going to the gym...and if I'm at the gym, I can keep wearing spandex. It's a bit of a cycle I suppose. But if nothing else, spandex does offer some kind of accountability. Just sayin'.

Where Does Weight Go When You Lose It?

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I have a photo shoot tomorrow morning so obviously I'm staying up too late and watching television....and blogging. I'm watching Letterman and Ricky Gervais is talking about losing weight, which I can totally relate to as I'm fighting off nerves about how this shoot will go and how I'll appear. It goes with the territory of what I do...I'm hired based on how I look (and how I sound). Accordingly, my feelings about my looks have transitioned to a different place than they once were.

I'm considered a full size model. In all fairness, full size models are very average sizes. I like my body and I'm comfortable with my weight...but being in the entertainment industry, there really is a lot of pressure about your looks. Sometimes I can't submit for certain roles because they're size-specific, which can be really frustrating, For the most part though, I do really like my shape...something that took a little getting used to as I made the transition from a girl to a woman. Being curvy can be overwhelming at first...especially in a society where boys' jeans are marketed to girls. For the most part, however, I've been fortunate to be a curvy girl living in a curvy world...during a time when less than skinny girls are the trend.

But I digress...going back to what Ricky Gervais was talking about that prompted this whole thing. He said that he hasn't really changed what he's eating, he just started working out. That got me to thinking about my latest attempts at weight loss. I work out generally about 5 days a week. I was thinking about what I would look like if I worked out less frequently. My father calls me an eating machine...and I think he may be right. If I could just stick to a steady diet, I may see some further results from all that working out that I do. So where did the title of this post come from? It was another thought that stemmed from the notion of weight loss. I understand that if you get liposuction, your fat actually goes somewhere. But when you lose weight the good old fashioned way, where does it actually go? Weird, right?